Hawtness – Volume 3 – Chapter 2

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“Yes?” Daniel asked, his voice not the least bit out of breath.

“Why are we running there? Can’t we drive a car or something?” I asked cautiously.

Daniel’s running faltered for a bit. “I didn’t think about something like that. It would be easier for both of us. I do not have a car, but I do own a bike.”

Daniel owned a motorcycle? I suppose that did fit the bad boy persona that he had going on at school. I did learn that his reputation was a little exaggerated though. Sure, he had the tattoos and the earring, and sure he missed a lot of schooling. He also had a habit of growling at people who approached him when he ate during lunch. However, at heart, he cared about his schooling and his friends. It was a misunderstanding, Daniel was sweet, loyal, and caring.

“I’ve never seen you ride a bike before.”

Daniel turned directions, moving back into a full sprint. “I used to do street races when I was younger. It’s not something I like to talk about. It’s dangerous, lot of broken bones and cracked skulls.”

“I can imagine.” I responded, suddenly finding a lot of things about Daniel a lot sexier.

After what seemed like a half hour, he finally slowed down and I glanced around to realize we were standing in a storage rental place. He placed me down and I stumbled a bit, dizzy and windswept from all the running. He ran over to one of the storage units, opening it. I curiously leaned over to get a better look of the place. It seemed to have a couch and a small television in it set up like a living room. Was Daniel living out of this storage unit?

Daniel rustled inside of it for a bit, then came back out with a bike rolling under his hands. I eyed the bike up and down, the sex appeal I felt melting away.

“What the heck is that?” I asked incredulously.

Daniel looked at me confused, “What do you mean? It’s my 21-speed racing bicycle, titanium frame, with reinforced chains.”

“When you said you had a bike, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

“Oh, it’s alright, it’s got a seat in the back for you.” Daniel seemed so proud of his little bike.

I eyed the seat he was talking about. It was a little screw-on side seat for an extra person to ride sideways. I sighed; it just wasn’t the same thing.

“Alright, let’s get a move on.” I groaned, a little disappointed at the downgrade.

Daniel jumped on the bike, waiting for me to sit comfortably on the seat behind him before turning back and handing me a bicycle helmet while he mounted one on his own head. I sighed again, glancing it up and down before strapping it to my head. Better safe than sorry, I supposed.

“Hold on, I tend to drive fast.” Daniel boasted.

“Just pedal wolf boy.” I teased.

It was at that point that I realized two things. The first was that Daniel had the settings on his bike set to the hardest gauge. The second was that he had mentioned the chains had been reinforced. They were far thicker and stronger than anything I had ever seen on a traditional bike. I realized I had completely underestimated the capabilities of a werewolf.

The bike exploded forward. My butt lurched back, and I lunged forward, desperately grabbing onto Daniel to keep myself on the bike. He flew forward with full force, his legs moving at much the same speed they had while he was running with me. The bike chain tugged with each rapid rotation, propelling the bike at preposterous speeds. We flew out on the street and I let out a scream. The wind whipped at me, threatening to tear the backpack right off my back.

We may not have been riding a motorcycle, but the bicycle certainly moved at comparable speeds. I looked as we flew past a four door sedan, the driver watching us with wide-eyed wonder. Daniel said he was a competitive racer? He should be beating the Tour de France with these neck-breaking speeds.

I was getting used to the momentum when he turned directly into the forest. The bike peeled off the road, landing on a narrow dirt path. The trees buzzed past us and I held onto Daniel even tighter. I buried my head into his soft, warm back. I didn’t have the capacity to be embarrassed, I just didn’t want to go flying off the back of his bike.

The wind whipped by us for what seemed like forever. When Daniel finally slammed on the breaks, I flew forward, my head landing on his shoulder, my body pressing up against him. I took several stammering breaths as Daniel gently grabbed my hands and pulled them off of him. I realized I had been digging my fingers into his skin. His arm had red fingerprints on it. I blushed in embarrassment, but Daniel smiled gently at me.

“Sorry about that, sometimes I don’t realize how far to go. You were right though, this was a lot faster. We’re already at the cabin.”

I nodded numbly, getting off the bike and rubbing my bottom. I had been clinching myself so tightly that my entire lower half ached. I finally glanced up to see a quaint little cabin in the woods, exactly as Daniel had described it. He offered me his hand, and I took it, letting him lead me into the cabin. It was almost surreal. I took off in the middle of the night with a boy, and now we were going to spend the night together in a log cabin.

Daniel led me into the entrance. The small building consisted of two rooms. The receiving room and a bedroom. It seemed to be stocked with the amenities of travel, and had recently been cleaned. It wasn’t dusty at all. The room was a little chilly though. Daniel went over to a fireplace. After turning a knob and pressing a button, a fire erupted between the partially burnt wood logs.

“You should take a hot bath. Make sure to scrub yourself thoroughly. I’ll go outside and chop us some wood to keep the place warm for the night.” Daniel said softly before turning to leave.

As if in a trance, I moved into the bathroom and began undressing. I filled the tub, using bubblebath I had thankfully remembered to pack in my haste. In short order, I was fully immersed in the hot tub. It was only then that I realized how cold I had been. The weather was getting pretty chilly this time of year, and at the speed Daniel had moved I was a bit wind burnt.

After I dried myself off, I stared at the mirror. Should I be doing something special? I had fairly basic pajamas. I didn’t really own any sexy lingerie. Should I be wearing lingerie? Daniel and I were going to sleep in the same bed, but it’s not like I had to impress him or anything. We were just friends. Besides, we’ve both seen each other naked. Imagining Daniel naked right now wasn’t exactly helping the situation.

I sighed, putting on my rather plain cotton pink top and bottom. Maybe Alex and I would need to go out when I got back and find me something a little sexier for next time. Next time, what? Next time I got abducted in the middle of the night by an attractive boy so he can rub his scent all over me like a Cockatoo?

How much perfume was too much perfume? Where should I put the perfume? Should I put on a little makeup? Should my hair be loose or braided? None of this mattered, we weren’t going to do anything. Or were we? Was that my decision to make? He already said he wanted to be my mate, does that mean if I wanted to have sex, he would? It would make it so we wouldn’t have to pretend to the other werewolves.

I slapped my cheeks. Stop that Jane, now was not the time to pull a Samantha. You’re just doing a friend a favor. That was it. The front door slammed breaking me from my thoughts. I sighed, turning away and opening the door, stepping out into the common room.

Daniel was standing there. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, his body slick with sweat as he tossed a few logs onto the fire.

“That should last us the night,” Daniel stood up from the fireplace, turning to me, “I think we-“

Daniel’s voice froze as his eyes laid on me.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked as the silence stretched.

“No,” Daniel blushed, “sometimes I forget how beautiful you are.”

“I’m just in my pajamas, just normal old me,” I tried to laugh it off as a joke.

“No matter what you do,” Daniel shook his head, “you will always look incredible to me.”

With Daniel’s words, a tingle shot up and down my spine. He really needed to stop saying things like that.

Daniel snapped out of it, breaking his eyes away from mine, “I’m sorry, I should go shower as well. It’s already two in the morning. We’ll get a few hours of sleep and head off early. It won’t be a lot of sleep, but the earlier we get there, the better.”

Daniel moved off to the shower, leaving me standing in front of the fireplace, my cheeks as red as the fire in front of me. I didn’t think I could do this. What was coming next was too much. I didn’t know what I wanted. The back of my mind was screaming.

I moved over to the bed, flopping on top of it. It was amazingly soft, smelling much like a forest, much like Daniel. The scent reminded me of the dream before Daniel had dropped by my home. That gave me more blushes. Maybe if I had taken care of a few things in the bathtub, my mind would be a little clearer right now. I couldn’t let little Jane make the decision for me. I needed to be strong.

The door opened and Daniel came out. He wore nothing but his boxer briefs. I suppose I should commend him for wearing that at least.

“I’m sorry, but to in order for us to smell like each other, I figured the more skin contact the better,” Daniel explained seeming more embarrassed and out of sorts than I ever remembered seeing him before, “Not that I’m saying you need to take anything off. I just figured this was for the best.”

Daniel put his hands over his body as if to shield himself from my wondering eyes, and for the first time I realized he was as nervous and uncomfortable about this as I was. The proud little wolf that thought nothing of prancing around naked wasn’t the Daniel I saw tonight. This was the real Daniel, as vulnerable and self-conscious as myself. I didn’t say anything, instead giving him a gesture to join me in the bed.

He moved stiffly and lied down next to me in a supine position, staring up at the ceiling. He almost seemed afraid to turn towards me. He kept his hands at his sides with his fists clinched. I pulled up the blankets and lied my head against his hard, muscular chest. He let out a long breath and I could hear his heartbeat, beating fast. He was nervous, nervous like me.

I took my other hand put it up on his other pectoral, resting it there. I fought the urge to run my fingers over his muscles, although to be honest, it was all I was thinking.

“Good night, Jane,” Daniel strained, his voice several octaves higher than it should have been.

I snuggled my head into his chest, “Goodnight.”

Although, I didn’t expect I’d sleep at all tonight. My body practically hummed. It took every effort not to start kissing his neck. I knew that once we started, I wouldn’t be stopping. No, this would be a very long night. His scent filled me. His heartbeat drummed in my ears.

I didn’t anticipate how comfortable sleeping against Daniel would be. My eyes were heavy and before I knew it, they closed and I started to dream. My dreams weren’t all that different than what I was doing awake. I lied there, holding someone I cared about. Of course, it wasn’t always Daniel. Sometimes, I cuddled Andrew, Rune, Allan, Ryan, Victor, Xavier, or even Alex. I was incorrigible sometimes.

Even Samantha started to show up in my dreams. The two of us held each other under the sheets like we did when we were younger, whispering about boys and irrelevant things. Her perfume scent had a kind of woodsy appeal, her warm breath on my neck. Wait, that wasn’t Samantha’s scent. I opened my eyes a little, letting some of the light shine in.

A woman sat on top of me. Her face worked up into a kind of snarl. My eyes shot open, realizing the woman held down both of my arms.

“So this is the bitch who stole my mate?” The woman growled.

Her face began to morph, her nose becoming snout-like, her teeth growing into long fangs. Her hands grew longer, growing massive claws that wrapped around my wrists and dug into my flesh. She was a werewolf! I let out a shout in alarm.

She gave me what I could only interpret as a sneer, “Well, what am I going to do with you?”

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Hawtness – Volume 3 – Chapter 1

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The stars shone brightly across the sky. I laid down with my hands stretched across the silk-like grass. I dug my fingers into the fresh moss. The sound of a horse whinnied in the distance, causing me to glance over at the edges of the forest. He appeared in the distance, finally coming for me. I had been waiting forever. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him; the boy I loved.

The horse stepped tentatively out into the clearing. My lover rode it with skill and precision. His eyes darted across the clearing, searching for me. When he saw me, his eyes glittered with excitement. Those eyes shown with a deepness and beauty that caused my skin to tingle from top to bottom every time I saw it. I gave him a reassuring smile. My prince smiled back and began moving the white stallion towards me, dismounting before he approached me.

He moved up to me, falling to one knee, “I am so glad you called me, I have loved you since the day we first met. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jane. I love you more than life itself. Let us merge our hearts under this beautiful moon.”

I giggle as he swooped down and picked me up, his muscular arms enveloping my gentle form. He turned, gliding me away from my resting spot. His eyes never left mine, concerned only with my wellbeing. His scent intoxicated me, his warmth permeated me, and his eyes opened me up and bared my soul to him.

He laid me down on a gentle bed of flowers and moss. A burst of butterflies shot out from the edges of the canvas, fluttering into the night sky. He smiled, steadily reaching down and pulling off his tight shirt. I blushed as I admired his strong, masculine form.

“Jane, may we?”

I giggled once again like a schoolgirl, “We may!”

“You are my first, and my only, Jane.”

I could not respond. Instead, I took deep stuttering breaths as his hand reached out and untied the front of my blouse. I raised my hands, and watched as he glided it up over my head, lying it down beside me as if it was a fragile part of myself. He reached down, cupping my cheek. His lips approached mine, and we kissed. I breathed in his scent, my body tingling from head to toe. His kiss was soft, peaceful, and complete. I moaned softly, the only other sound being the crickets and forest at night.

My prince began to kiss my check, each soft kiss caressing my skin and sucking lightly, causing goose bumps to form. I shivered as he pressed his deliciously warm body against me. The kisses lowered, each one causing a tingle of euphoria to shoot down to my toes. He continued to lower his kisses. He lightly kissed my chest followed by my stomach. His hands gently glided across my stomach as he proceeded to go even lower.

He stopped, causing me to glance down in confusion. His eyes watch me with a gentle twinkle, a beautiful smile caressing his face; his head resting against my stomach.


“Hmmm?” I asked.

“Can you wake up?”


“I need you for something, can you wake up?”

“No, no, keep going.”

“Jane, come on, wake up.” The prince reached up and started shaking me.

“Oh no you don’t! We are finishing this! You get your beautiful ass back down there and finish the job! I need five more minutes!”

My eyes snapped open, and above me was a half-naked man.

“Daniel? What the hell are you doing on top of me?”

“Shhh!!!” Daniel put a finger over my mouth, “Five more minutes for what? Never mind, I’m sorry for waking you like this. I know it’s really early in the morning, but I really need your help.”

I let out a groan and a whimper. I had a dream about a beautiful half naked man on top of me to awake to see a beautiful half naked man on top of me. The lines between reality and fiction were closing in on me. Although, at the moment, I felt very sensitive, and a bit aroused. Damn it, why did Daniel have to have his shirt missing and smell so much like the forest? If he made the right move right now, he would not be leaving this bed until the morning. I don’t suppose he would be interested in late night foreplay, would he?

“What are you looking for, Daniel?” I asked breathlessly.

“Jane, I want you to be my mate, tonight.”

My mouth worked noiselessly. I couldn’t resist anymore, so this was going to happen? It seemed so sudden. I closed my eyes, spreading my arms. I am ready, Daniel, please be gentle to me.

The door creaked open and one of my eyes opened. Daniel got off of me, moving over to the side of the room. Alex walked in, a mischievous grin on her face. Now, I didn’t agree to a threesome!

Alex’s appearance looked odd. She looked plainer; her skin no longer shone. Alex looked significantly more mundane and less attractive than her usual self. As she came into the light of my small desk lamp, the reality of it came crashing down on me. She looked more like me, my mouth twisted riley. Like looking in a mirror, indeed.

“What’s going on?” I asked, covering up my lower body with my blanket.

“Ever since you took that time traveling adventure, the guys have been helping me refine my shimmering abilities. I can replicate you a lot easier now.”

“Is there any reason you’re doing that right now?” I demanded.

Alex shrugged, “Daniel begged me to be you for a few days.”

The two of us turned to Daniel, who lowered his head, “I’m sorry for the suddenness of this, but I have to move quickly or I may be too late.”

“What’s going on Daniel?”

Daniel sighed, looking back into my eyes; the sight reminded me of the man from my dreams and I looked away, “Yesterday, my bother passed away.”

Alex put her hand over her mouth. I took a few steps towards Daniel, grabbing his hand and forcing myself to glance into those big brown eyes of his. I needed to get control of my hormones, for Daniel’s sake.

“I’m so sorry Daniel, is there anything I can do for you?”

Daniel shook his hands, “No, you misunderstand. He is not my biological brother, he is my wolf brother.”

I rose an eyebrow, now a bit confused. Daniel took a deep breath before grabbing me on each shoulder and gently sitting me back down on my bed. Then, he moved to one knee on the floor in front of me, looking up with pleading in his eyes.

“I am sorry to ask this of you so abruptly. You know how I feel about you, but I know you haven’t chosen me as a mate. I understand and I respect your need for time. However, my brother who passed acted as the Alpha of our pack. When an Alpha dies, everyone from the pack must return home and decide on a new Alpha. It’s like a family reunion meets the Olympics.”


“I’m at an age where I must compete to become Alpha, or be publically shamed and exiled from my pack.”

“I’m with you so far.”

“To compete, however, I must have a mate. A wolf without a mate cannot be considered an Alpha. If I do not bring a mate of my own, they will provide one for me. I do not want to have a mate forced on me.”

“So you want me to… pretend to be your mate?”

“That is what I asked, yes.”

I glanced at Alex, who just gave me a shrug. Well, my sister wasn’t going to be a lot of help. I took a deep breath. The puppy dog look on Daniel made it hard to resist. Even if he wasn’t desperate, I considered him a friend. To me, that was enough.

“Alright, I’ll do it, what do I have to do?”

“We need to sleep together.”

“Never mind, you’re on your own.”

Daniel shook his head, “I don’t mean mating. You see, werewolves have very good noses. No offense, but there is a lot of different guys smells on you. I need you to take a thorough bath, and then we will sleep close so only my scent is on you.”

“So the other guys?”

“That’s why I’ve kept this secret, the other guys would be considered a threat. If any werewolf smells another man on you, I’d be expected to kill you. If another man shows any interest in you, I’d be expected to fight him for you.”

“That’s horrible.”

Daniel shrugged, “It is the way of the wolf.”

“Does that mean my sister will be in danger?” Alex demanded giving Daniel a flat stare.

Daniel shook his head, “As long as I’m the prominent male scent on her, we should be safe.”

“Where are we going to do this?” I asked.

“We need to get a move on. There are too many people in and out of your house to clean yourself here. There is a cabin. Werewolves use it from time to time, on the way up to my clan territory. We can spend the night there.”

“You want to take my sister out in the middle of the night to a cabin in the secluded woods? This is either the beginning of a horror story or an episode of Hustler,” Alex smirked.

“Alex, stop that,” I growled as Daniel blushed.

“I’m sorry, Jane, I’m worried about your safety. That’s what sisters are for.”

I smiled at Alex, moving forward and wrapping my arms around her. “You’ll keep my secret from the other guys, won’t you?”

Alex barked a nervous laugh, “Of course, I’ll think of something to tell them. You won’t miss a day of school either; I promise.”

“Thank you.”

Alex kissed me on the cheek, giving me a tight squeeze, “Just be safe, okay.”

I nodded, letting go of her.

“Daniel, what’s the plan?”

Daniel nodded to me, and like that, his body began to transform. His rippling chest grew a bit; his face warped into a snout and his eyes turned blacker. His legs bent awkwardly, his thighs increasing in size as small tears formed in his pants. Now, I knew what kept happening to those. His nails grew into long talons, but his chest was surprisingly hairless. The hair on his head grew; he had much longer hair now with long sideburns.

This was the first time I ever got to see Daniel in his werewolf form in the full light. I had always assumed it would be terrifying and monstrous, but he in the end he was just Daniel with a cute little dog snout and pointy wolf ears on his head. I wouldn’t even be against kissing him in this form, if the mood was right.

“I’ll carry you, like we’ve done before.” He eyed me as I opened up my arms for him to carry me. “Um… you might want to get dressed and pack something for the road.”

I looked down, realizing I wore my pink pajamas and nothing else. Daniel’s face twisted. It took me a second to realize it was supposed to be a smile. I’d have to get used to figuring out expressions on his wolf face. He turned around, covering his eyes, and I began undressing.

I disrobed down to my underwear when Alex made a noise and turned away in embarrassment. I glanced over at her back. It took me a second to realize the problem. She could be a boy sometimes, and here I was practically naked. She gave me privacy out of respect. It hadn’t even occurred to me that it’d be inappropriate to undress in front of my big sister.

Then again, she wasn’t really my big sister. It seemed strange, but even now I wasn’t embarrassed. I had just come to see her as my sister. A few nights prior, there had been a particularly stormy night. The pair of us had ended up cuddling under a set of sheets, watching a scary movie with Tomodalton. It had felt nice just being with my sister. I didn’t know how I felt about that, but I did care for her. She drove me crazy sometimes, and could be a little slutty and vane, but she was family.

I quickly put my clothing on, grabbing a backpack and shoving a few pants, shirts, and underwear in it. I debated grabbing a dress. If I pretended to be Daniel’s mate, and we maintained appearances, I should probably look nice too. Then again, did werewolf wives wear makeup and dress nice? I had the impression they liked an earthier appearance. I was about to ask when the sound of a toilet flushing broke each of our attentions.

“That’s Tom, if you guys want to get away unnoticed, you need to leave now. He’d break under the pressure of the other guys questioning in seconds.”

I nodded, she was right, Tomodoltan couldn’t take the pressure of a secret. He’d fold faster than Ryan, and that boy was programmed to do whatever you asked of him. I practically lept into Daniel’s arms, holding my backpack in my hands. Daniel gave me a nod before moving to the window. My eyes widened, he wasn’t going to do what I thought he was going to do, was he?

He put one foot up on my open window ledge, and pushed off into the night. Just like that, we dove into the darkness beyond my window. I fought the urge to scream as we plummeted two stories to the ground. Daniel’s feet hit the ground smoothly, only causing me a small jolt as he burst into a sprint. The wind whistled in my ears as Daniel bounded down the street far faster that a human could deep into the night.

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Hawtness – Volume 2 – Chapter 5

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Beam Me Up

I watched the giant screen in front of us as Earth continued to grow in size. It took me longer before I saw a little speck that started to grow into a ship. It seemed to be trailing smoke, but was heading a fairly steady pace towards a small satellite.

“Fire at their bow!”

Rune looked at the control and then touched a button. A giant beam shot out from their ship on screen, striking the little ship. A large explosion rocked it and its engines shut off.

“I said fire at the bow, not up its nose.” Allan looked back angrily.

Rune shrugged, “You say that like I know how to aim. Or what a bow is for that matter.”

Allan readjusted his glasses, “Ridiculous. Fine, it did the job. It looks like their life support hasn’t been breached. Everyone, grab a gun. We’ll teleport over there and politely ask them for the coordinates.”

He reached over to tap a few keys on his wristpad. Then he stopped, reaching down and pulling up a strange looking sensor module from under one of the consoles. He nodded to himself before proceeding to type the code.

A strange pulling feeling came from my gut. Suddenly, a bright light shone in my vision and I felt like I was being stretched once again. I hit the ground moving, pulling up the small ray gun Allan had given me, looking for any threats from the cult. The ship was heavily damaged. Wires, sparks, and alarms shot off from every direction.

The others twisted their guns around, doing the same thing. There didn’t appear to be anyone standing. Allan relaxed, moving throughout the much smaller ships small single room. There were two bodies of clocked men lying on the ground. Allan checked them before moving to the only computer console that wasn’t destroyed.

“Andrew…” a voice came from a third cloaked man lying under a collapsed beam.

Andrew froze in place, turning towards the man.

“I… must tell you something.” The injured man said.

“What is it?”

“Andrew… I am your uncle.”

Andrew’s eyes widened, “No… that’s not true, that’s impossible.”

“Take off my hood, you know it be true.”

Andrew hesitantly approached the cultist, kneeling next to him and lifting the hood. Andrew’s facial expression confirmed what I had feared. The man had several distinct features that resembled Andrew.”

“Why? You’re an Angel? Why would you be in a Star Wars Cult?”

“Star Wars is for all people and ages, but that is not what is important. Your father has been lying to you. He’s been lying to all of us.”

“What are you talking about, old man?”

“The Archangels aren’t what they appear. The cult… is trying to… is trying….” Andrew’s uncle grimaced in pain, a dribble of blood coming from his mouth.

“Don’t die on me!” Andrew yelled, “What are you talking about? The cult is the bad guy.”

Andrew’s uncle shook his head, coughing up more blood in the process. Before his uncle could say more, the screen in the front of the ship lit up. On the screen was Prince Skyp.

“I have to thank the group of you. You brought me to my bridge. Flew it to where I wanted to go. Then peacefully left me there to retake command.”

Allan glanced over at me, “You were supposed to tie him up.”

“How was I supposed to know that? He was unconscious! Besides, you’re the one who decided to beam us all over here.”

Rune nodded, “Yeah, that wasn’t very bright for a hyperintelligent alien.”

Allan adjusted his glasses, “Ridiculous.”

Chuckling came from the screen, “I pretended to be sicker than I was as a clever ruse to convince you to let your guard down. Now, if you’d all like to do me one more favor. Kindly, die!”

The screen went out. Allan began typing on the computer monitor frantically.

“This sensor module I grabbed can relay the command codes remotely, we are now close enough to do so. I am sending them now. I’ll need a minute to get the satellite’s running, stall him!” Allan barked out.

“Stall him how?” Rune demanded.

“Just go over to that terminal over there. There should be a large green button. It activates the defense parameters on the ship. Ryan, get to the pilot’s seat. The main thrusters are down but you should be able to use the auxiliary thrusters.”

The two of them snapped into motion. Rune slammed his hand down on the big green button while Ryan tried to steer the ship.

“Um… there are a bunch of red dots traveling towards our central green dot.” Rune pointed to the screen.

Allan busily typed at the computer.

“Allan, the dots are getting closer to the big dot!”

“Rune, did you press the green button?”

“Dammnit, I’m pressing the green button, I’m pressing the green button as fast as I can. The green button does nothing. The green button is bullshit.”

Allan’s eyes widened, “Brace for impact!”

The ship suddenly exploded in sparks and lens flare all around me. I collapsed to the ground as the ship shook like an earthquake.

“I got it!” Allan shouted over the sound of thundering explosions.

The explosions slowed and then stopped, the ship still shuddering, but in a controlled manner that allowed me to stand. I glanced out of the window. It looked like the Prince’s ship was being fired upon by numerous smaller ships.

Allan slapped his hands, “The defense grid is up! Earth is safe!”

“Earth might be safe,” Ryan interrupted, “but this ship is falling apart. All engines are down. We are collapsing into earth’s orbit. I expect we will strike the earth’s atmosphere in two minutes and explode.”

“The good news is that it looks like the little Prince is retreating.” Rune said, pointing at the screen.

“Can we land this thing?” Allan asked, looking at Ryan.

“We are not positioned for proper atmosphere reentry.” Ryan answered.

“Can you teleport us to Earth?” I offered.

Allan lowered his head, a depressed look on his face, “Yes, but my ship was destroyed on the moon. If we lose this ship, I will be stranded on your planet.”


“Ridiculous…” Allan reached down, typing some keys into his pad.

“Andrew, we need to go.” I turned to him and then stopped.

He was covering the eyes of his uncle, who laid motionless now.

“I’m so sorry,” I moved over, wrapping my arms around his back.

Andrew raised his hand up to mine, grabbing it and giving a squeeze. “He wasn’t able to tell me why he betrayed my father. All he said was ‘follow the dead’, whatever that means.”

“We need to get going Andrew, we can probably take his body with us.”

Andrew shook his head. “It’s considered a great honor for Angels to be cremated in the clouds. This might not be very orthodox, but burning in the atmosphere, higher than any other angel has ever reached, is the least I could allow him. Let’s go.”

I led Andrew away from the body of his uncle. The group of us gathered around Allan. He nodded to each of us in turn, a depressed look on his face. He pressed a button, and the world erupted in a flash.


“You can’t stay here, Allan. I’m already stuck with a gender confused love demon and a time traveling cowardly lion. I really don’t need a silver wearing super-intelligent alien living with me as well.” I stated.

“Ridiculous. It’s grey, not silver, and this color just happens to look good on me. Besides, I am not interested in living with you. I have found an adequate place to stay for the meantime.”

“That’s good, I guess.” I sighed. “Do you want to come in? Mom’s out right now. We can chat in my living room.”

Allan nodded and joined me. We stood awkwardly for a few minutes in the living room, avoiding looking at each other. It had been almost a week since we had returned from the ship. Andrew had pushed himself off into seclusion, looking into what his uncle had told him. The rest of the boys were the same as always.

Stephan was still looking into the disappearances. Daniel was very concerned at our forty-eight hour disappearance, and checked up on me constantly. Victor was still away on a tour. Alex covered my butt again with my mom, just a little jealous that she didn’t get to come along on this trip.

Just two days prior, Mr. Xavier had propositioned to recover the zero I got from a missed quiz to a 100%. How desperate did the creep think I was? I politely explained to him that school policy excused absences, and that I had been called in on both days thanks to Alex. He couldn’t give me a zero even if he wanted to do so. He was not happy about it, but he did quiet down when I mentioned telling the counselors I was being sexually harassed.

“So…” I began, “What have you been doing these days?”

“I’ve decided since I am stranded on Earth, I might as well complete my mission of data gathering. It is a lot of the reason I came here.”

“That was something I forgot to ask; what kind of information are you gathering on Earth?”

“My current mission,” Allan readjusted his glasses, “is to acquire a complete knowledge base on the mating habits of intelligent life forms on Earth.”

“Excuse me?”

“Of course, even monkeys and dolphins have some intelligence, so I have been collecting research already performed on this planet on a very large array of animals. Humans, on the other hand, have been tricky. Gaining consent, for example, would almost certainly require me to reveal that I’m an alien. It is so much easier with someone who already knows.”

“I really don’t like where this is going.”

“You see, you seem to be a perfect research specimen to gain a better understanding of human breeding practices. You are at the prime viral ages of female adolescence, and are currently being courted by a large array of Alpha type males.”

“I am not,” I sputtered, “What are you even talking about?”

“I believe that if I keep observing you, I will be able to collect a fairly comprehensive assortment of data on male and female interactions.”

“Allan, it’s not… I don’t…. you…” I couldn’t come up with anything to say.

“Now, I am working on understanding certain research material I recently acquired; I was hoping for your help in explaining it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, for example, I’ve recently found this piece.” Allan pulled out what looked like a DVD case and handed to me.

As soon as my brain registered what I was looking at, I dropped it like a snake. “Wha… what are you doing with that?”

Allan calmly bent over and picked it up. “I told you, performing research. This DVD ‘Naughty Vixens 3’ seems to engage in women spending a great deal of time spanking each other. This seems to arouse the man, who then in turn spanks both women. Would you describe this as a typical mating ritual for humans?”

“I…” I shrugged, at a loss for words.

“And can you please explain to me the idea of ‘BDSM’? I’ve seen the term before, but it always seems to lead to this book ’50 shades of grey’. The book seems to possess more of this spanking, as well as a certain degree of chains and straps. I am also curious about this concept, dirty talk. It seems to suggest that calling women derogatory terms will prepare them for sexual intercourse.”

“Allan.” I cringed. “Can’t you ask the health teacher about this?”

“I already did, he shook his head and walked away. Maybe I should ask Alex…”

“No! No, don’t ask her,” I didn’t even want to think about what she would tell him.

Allan stopped talking and watched me, waiting for an answer. I pinched my nose, squeezing my eyes shut. I was entirely too young to give this talk.

“Allan, you’re going to freaking owe me after this one.” I demanded. “I only know these things because Samantha has wasted entirely too much time corrupting my mind.”

Allan nodded calmly.

“Here, let me introduce you to the internet.”

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Hawtness – Volume 2 – Chapter 4

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Tied Up

“So we’re in space jail now.”

“That would appear to be the case,” Ryan responded.

“Soon, the entire planet will be invaded, and the entire human race enslaved.”

“While we do not know the true purposes of the cult, it would seem that the imminent destruction of Earth would be a logical conclusion.”

“Well,” Andrew interjected, “It seems to be the cults desire to acquire new weaponry. I imagine they might use those satellites to initiate a war between my people and Rune’s.”

“Well, there is a bright side. Our planet might not be invaded, instead, it will be thrown into the middle of a magical world war.” I added sarcastically, “Can’t you guys cut through the walls or shoot a fireball or something?”

“No,” Rune’s mouth twisted, “My power comes from the demon realm. It’s located parallel to earth. When I’m not on Earth, I don’t have any powers. When I’m in orbit, I can barely cast a little fire. On the moon? Forget it.”

I glanced over at Andrew and he shrugged and nodded.

“Just great, you guys could have told me you were shooting blanks before we got to this point. What about you Ryan?”

“My systems have returned to a fully operational condition. However, this cell has no access ports for me to hack. I can punch the wall, but I calculate it would take three months and two weeks of continuous punching to break through this door. Should I begin?”

“A guard will come within a minute. Don’t worry about it.” Andrew stated.

I sighed, leaning back. At least my sickness was starting to go away, but, that wasn’t going to make me feel any better. We had failed, and there was nothing we could do except wait until the very end. The door slid open and Prince Skyp, complete with two armed guards, stepped into the cell.

“Well, well, the Princess of Niptari, a traitor to the galactic council. Who would have thought?” The Prince’s voice sounded throaty and raw.

I stayed silent for the moment. He apparently still thought I was the Princess. That might give me some advantage in this conversation.

“So, Princess, you are part of the Cult of Star Worlds and Respective Suns? I knew they sought any military technology at any cost, but I am shocked they are out here on this little third world planet.”

“I’m not part of the cult; I’m trying to stop them.”

The Prince frowned a bit as he considered my words, “Nice excuse, I suppose, but I am not so dumb as to believe-”

The Prince sneezed, and then sneezed again. He reached his hand out to his side, and one of the guards put a handkerchief in it. The alien wiped his nose, and tossed the cloth back at the guard.

“I apologize, there seems to be a bit of a bug going around. As I was saying, you cannot trick me. You are a member of the Star Wars Cult and a traitor. Soon, we will track down your rebel friends. We already managed to damage their engines before they managed to slip away. It will take them a day to reach the satellite grid. By then, we will have found and executed them.”

“You can’t possibly hope to defeat the Star Cult, they are simply too powerful,” Andrew responded.

“It’s the Star Wars Cult, actually.”

“Yeah, I’m not calling it that.”

The Prince let out another sneeze, “Either way, I will wipe them out no matter what it takes. However, Princess Nefriti, you do not need to follow the same fate as them. If you marry me, and make sure my race’s entry into the galactic council, I can sweep this whole thing under the rug.”

“No!” I snapped, “I will never join you and this fleet on the dark side of the moon!”

“Would you prefer we did this on the light side? I’m honestly pretty flexible. You, servant, convince your mistress this is the best course of action, it will spare your life as well.”

“I regret to inform you that the woman before you is not a Princess. She is a human from Earth seeking to stop the invasion.”

I turned towards Ryan, “Why, Ryan? Why would you tell him?”

The General’s smug appearance was quickly overshadowed by a look of abject horror.

“I apologize Jane; I am programmed to be incapable of lying unless ordered to do otherwise.”

“Then lie!”

“Very well, Prince Skyp, I was initially in error. She is in fact a Princess.”

“A human?” Prince Skyp’s lips twisted, “I marked and began a mating ceremony with a human?”

“You did what to my what now?” I asked.

“The information downloaded by Allan suggests the Riptari shoot pheromones at a mating companion to mark her as their territory,” Ryan explained, “I suspect this Riptari marked you. It’s akin to a dog urinating on a-”

“That’ll be enough, Ryan, thank you.” I snapped; that was information I did not need to know.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one to share in the thought. The Prince also had a disgusted expression on his face, but not exactly for the same reason.

“You… filthy animals!” Skyp snapped, “You will not survive my humiliation. I will kill you, and your Star Wars Cult, and your little droid too!”

“Wait, I forgot, is he Darth Vader or the Wicked Witch of the West?” Andrew interjected.

“I don’t really care which, he spread his funk all over Jane without asking and that’s enough reason to kick his ass!” Rune growled.

Skyp backed up warily from Rune as his guards waved their guns menacingly.

He covered his mouth as he coughed some more. “Close the door, we’ll take care of these damn dirty apes later.”

The door slammed shut, leaving the four of them in the relative seclusion within their cell. After a moment, I let out a prolonged sigh, leaning back.

“Well that went well,” I muttered.

“I apologize, but I think you interpreted the results incorrectly. I think we are in more trouble than previously established.” Ryan explained.

“I was being sarcastic!” I snapped.

Ryan’s eyes went big for a second, but he nodded in acknowledgement and lowered his head. Well now I felt bad. Why did he have to seem so sad all the time?

After that, the four of us waited in silence. Andrew and Rune certainly weren’t going to strike up a conversation with each other. Ryan seemed just as content to stay in his own self prescribed solitude. For me, I was worried about Earth.

How would my friends back on Earth handle the coming alien invasion? Samantha would undoubtedly write three fan fictions before they fired the first shot. Daniel might end up fighting them to the death. Stephan would probably try to negotiate with them and end up in a lab being probed. Alex would… oh what was the point of going on with this?

They were taking quite a long time to get back to us. It had been half a day; were they going to starve us? Perhaps the Prince was a lot crueler than I had given him credit.

The door clicked, and swung open. I took a deep breath, ready to face my maker. Perhaps the aliens finally came back to finish the job. My life was far too short. I hadn’t done enough, hadn’t seen enough; I wanted to live.

It took me a few seconds to realize who was standing in the doorway, Allan. He was carrying a massive gun that looked ridiculously oversized in his thin hands. On the other side, it looked incredibly sexy. Except for the glasses, he almost looked like an action hero busting into the prison to free his comrades. He had smears of dirt on his face and one gash above his eye. He wore what looked like a slim line spacesuit, although there was no helmet in sight. It looked heavily beaten and damaged. Did he fight his way in here?

“Allan! I can’t believe how glad I am to see you,” Rune cried out.

Allan nodded, “I am relieved to see you four are alright. I have not seen any resistance thus far, but it would be best if we moved at once.”

The four of us didn’t need any motivation, we moved out into the hallway, following behind Allan.

“I am glad you came for us, but how did you manage to get in here. Don’t tell me you fought your way in.”

“Ridiculous,” Allan shook his head, “They increased their patrol parties. One of them found my ship and shot me down. I ended up crash landing on the moon. I got into a spacesuit and walked here. I had barely managed to land my ship a few miles from here.”

“Wait,” Andrew stopped, “If your ship crash landed, then-”

“Then we have no escape now. I am working on that part as we go. We are heading to the hanger right now. Perhaps we can steal one of the dignitary’s ships.”

“You didn’t see any resistance?” Rune asked.

“Perhaps they are too busy looking for the cult, or perhaps preparing for the invasion. Between the airlock and your prison cell I have yet to see a single soul.”

The idea of that seemed incredibly suspicious, but my desire to be off this moon base propelled me forward nonetheless. I suspected the others were just as eager, as they didn’t ask any more questions. A few more turns and we were in the hanger. Allan was right, there was absolutely no one in sight.

“The Prince says that the cult ship was damaged, if we can catch up to them, we could still stop the invasion,” I suggested.

“I was planning on taking something a little inconspicuous, but if we need speed, it would be that ship.” Allan pointed to the largest ship in the bay.

My eyes bulked, it was easily three times the size of Allan’s ship. It had several guns and canon’s mounted all across it.

“What is this ship?” I asked incredulously.

“It would be the Prince’s personal flagship. I imagine he plans to lead the invasion with it. It will draw the attention of every ship in his fleet, but they would be unlikely to fire on it right away. It may give us the time we need.”

“It’s so big!” I exclaimed, looking it up and down.

“It is not the size that matters; it is the power of the engine, Jane.”

“The little Prince is probably just compensating for something,” Rune laughed.

I chuckled, “Let’s take it then, that’ll teach that nasty alien for what he did to me! Nobody sprays their junk all over me and gets away with it!”

“I am glad you are a lady of principle,” Allan responded, “Let’s hurry.”

Allan accessed a console, causing a door to open on the side of the ship. The group rushed in, following behind Allan. He worked his way through the hallways. Unlike his ship, the halls were a lot larger and infinitely more comfortable. Now this was a spaceship! I rammed into Allan as he suddenly stopped in midstride.

“What? Why did you stop?”

Allan pointed down at the ground in front of him. I looked around his shoulder and gasped. Lying on the floor in hallway, his head up against a side wall, was Prince Styf. He seemed to be breathing shallowly, the sound of phlegm and congestion with each gasp. His eyes snapped open as we approached, turning towards me.

“What have you… done… to us. You’ve poisoned… my army. Already, half my fleet have collapsed from exhaustion. What is this?”

Allan kneeled down, putting his hand over the Prince’s forehead before looking back at us, “It would appear he has a cold.”

“What… in the universe… is a cold?” The Prince gasped.

“And thus the aliens were defeated.” Rune lowered his head. “Not by some weapon or ingenuity of man, but by Jane, whose poor hygiene and bad handwashing techniques led them all to become infected with bacteria their immune systems weren’t use to fighting.”

“My hygiene is fine! And I always wash my hands!”

“For one minute, with soap, making sure to clean under the nails thirty seconds each hand per recommended FDA regulations?” Allan asked.

“Of course!” the group all looked at me, “Basically… For the most part… Come on, whose going to sit there for a whole minute? Plus, sometimes the soaps out. It isn’t important. At least they are being wiped out by a bug and not something stupid like an allergy to water.”

“Yeah, that would be pretty stupid,” Andrew nodded in my defense.

“Exactly, like if we just poured water on him he’d start-”

“I’m so hot right now; I’m melting,” Prince Styf moaned.

I sighed. “Alright, Darth Elphaba, let’s take him with us. At worst, we could use him as collateral if we need it.”

Ryan nodded, bending over and picking up the pitiful creature. The group continued forward, making it to the bridge in relative short order. Allan moved up to a head console and began typing in random keys. Once Ryan put the ailing Prince up against a wall, Allan sent him to a control panel, whispering in his ear for a bit. Ryan nodded as he acknowledged whatever Allan was saying. Allan grabbed Rune and dragged him over to another console to the do the same thing. Finally, he grabbed Andrew and repeated the process.

“This is a far larger ship than mine. I’ll need all of you to pilot this thing. Jane, since you were already sick, would you mind caretaking the ailing Prince?”

I shivered, but nodded. Someone had to keep him alive I supposed. I went over to the sick alien and began wetting a rag to put on his forehead. The alien protested at first, but he seemed pretty delirious and out of it, so after a short amount of bullying he went where I wanted him to go.

The ship began vibrating and churning. There was a loud pop and then the ship started to gain momentum. The ship began moving forward down a really long corridor leading out of the hanger. As we approached the end, a giant blast door opened, revealing the open space beyond. We blasted out, leaving the moon and the base behind us. I let out a sigh of relief at that. At least it was one thing we didn’t need to worry about now.

“I’m getting some communication from the other ships. They’re asking for orders. I guess the sickness has spread to most of the ships now and they are functioning on a skeleton crew. They have located the cult ship on route towards the satellite control station, but none of the ships are able to head there.” Andrew spoke up.

Allan nodded, “Get the coordinates. Tell them to stand by, we will be setting out to intercept the ship. Navigator Ryan, as soon as we have those coordinates, lay in a course.”

I smirked up at Allan, “You really do seem like a ship captain.”

Allan’s expression didn’t change, but the hint of a blush appeared on his cheeks, “I… used to be a first mate. My captain kept breaking the rules and sleeping with space aliens. Eventually, he was dishonorably discharged, and I was sent to Earth on a data gathering mission. In reflection, he was really an awful captain. However, I did learn a few things about running a larger ship.”

I gave him an encouraging smile, “You’ll do great. We can still stop the cult.”

Allan pushed his glasses back up on his nose, “Of course, I’d accept nothing less. Ensign Ryan. Engage!”

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Hawtness – Volume 2 – Chapter 3

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Space Babes

“Presenting Princess Nefriti of the furry planet Magratea!”

A loud voice echoed across the rather large hallways. I readjusted the flowing light green gown. The shawl slipped to the side, and I readjusted it. When I had told them I was willing to wear a dress, this was not what I had in mind. It was hot in here, and I felt like I would sweat out of the outfit.

I took a step forward, and with each step, a pair of alien guards on either side of me bowed. Hundreds of eyes watched me as moved across the massive antechamber. I settled for readjusting my veil before putting my hands down to my sides. I fidgeted; I knew it would appear suspicious, but I couldn’t help myself. I fought every urge I had to reach back and grab Ryan’s hand.

He walked behind me, straight-backed and formal, garbed in a frilly suit that resembled something like a butler’s garb. It looked surprisingly good on him, complementing his youthful appearance in ways I would not have expected. I wanted to look back at him for reassurance, but Allan had lectured that that would be un-ladylike.

I finally reached the front of the room. A rather large man sat on a chair that almost resembled a throne in its flamboyance. He rose gracefully, offering a surprisingly respectful bow to me. He gave a grin that almost seemed polite, extending his hand. I almost forgot this part. I pulled out my hand and held it palm down in his.

The host Prince Skyf lifted it, kissing the back of my hand. His lips were a little greasy, and it caused chills to run up my spine. The fact that he had green skin and two antennae pointing out of his head didn’t do much to ease my discomfort. He glanced back at my face, and when I gave no further sign, his antennae twitched.

“It is kind of the Magratea to send their princess to the viewing. In lieu of this invasion, I could use as many galactic witnesses as possible.”

Ryan moved up next to me, “The princess is satisfied with your welcome. It has been a long journey for her, though. She would like to know if she might be quartered so that she can refresh herself.”

Why did Ryan have to sound so calm and cool when he said everything? He really did seem like the perfect servant. I couldn’t imagine how things would have gone if Andrew or Rune had been the one to accompany me. Ryan seemed like a natural. To hear him tell it, he was built for this, so I supposed it shouldn’t be that surprising.

I held my breath as the Prince eyed Ryan up and down before the smile returned to his face. We had all decided that I would remain silent for the most part. There wasn’t enough time to teach me how to act like a princess. However, Ryan downloaded the majority of the information. He’d do all the talking; I’d do all the smiling and looking pretty. Allan seemed almost relieved that it wasn’t him who joined me. Relieved! I don’t know why that bothered me so much. I became too complacent with guys doing stuff for me.

“Of course, my lady,” The host nodded, gesturing for one of his servants to attend me.

The small girl who ran up had bluish pink skin. She appeared small, like a child, but had a face with more wrinkles than her size suggested. She made a gesture for me to follow.

“Thank you!” Ryan gave an elaborately perfect bow, the cape at his back giving a slight flourish.

I bent my knee slightly and nodded. Allan explained that a princess I should never give a full curtsy. Which worked because I had no clue how to do that. In these frills, I’d be likely to fall flat on my face if I even tried. Fortunately, this seemed like enough to satiate the host.

We walked out of the antechamber into a hallway and as the metal doors closed behind me I took a deep breath, almost hyperventilating. The small girl led us up to a large double set of doors, she opened the doors and gestured for us to enter. We did and my eyes almost burst out of my skull. It was a room ornate and beautiful. A full set of living room furniture, a massive bed that dwarfed a king size, and windows that gave a breathtaking view of the vast space. The temperature was unfortunately as hot and uncomfortable as the antechamber.

Ryan approached the servant, whispering a few things into her ear. She nodded excitedly, a deep blush on her cheeks. It looks like aliens had the same responses that humans did. Ryan lightly touched her hand, and she practically melted. He didn’t seem to notice, but as he turned away, the girl bowed to the pair of us like a schoolgirl in love and then closed the doors behind us.

“What did you say to her?” I asked incredulously.

Ryan glanced at me, “I provided Magratea etiquette. My downloaded files suggest that servants tend to mingle when they are not bogged by noble duties. She may be able to offer key tactical information to help us complete our mission. I asked to meet her privately, tonight, before the celebration.”

“Ryan? I think you may be leading her on.”

Ryan cocked his head to his side; the absence of his speakers appearing almost odd.

“I do not understand, leading her to what?”

I sighed, “Well when you ask a girl to meet you late at night, she might be thinking of things a little more than… mingling.”

“Like what?”

“Like… well…” I sighed; I wasn’t ready to have this conversation with him, “Never mind, you’ll be fine.”

Ryan shrugged, moving on, “We must take every precaution we can. Remember, this mission is crucial. We have less than thirty hours to break into the host’s quarters and steal the codes. If we don’t succeed, the Earth is doomed.”

I nodded, moving to the window overlooking the dark side of the moon. The sight of the darkened gray surface was so cold and distant. I wasn’t home in Kansas anymore that was for certain. Would that make Ryan my toto? That wasn’t fair, I already disliked him pretending to be my servant. Something about his eagerness and willingness to do whatever anyone said just irked me. It didn’t seem like the real Ryan. It was a mask he wore. I looked down at my flowing gown. I was one to talk about pretending to be something I’m not. Just how did we get ourselves into this situation? Oh yes…

“Prince Skyf is hosting a banquet the night before they launch the attack. He’s invited all the royalty from the members of the intergalactic alliance to showcase the Riptari gain in power.”

At this point, Ryan was plugged into the front of Allan’s ship through a console port. He made a buzzing sound, so I could only presume that something was being done to unlock the ship and allow us to move.

“So what does that have to do with me?” I asked.

“Princess Nefriti of the furry planet Magratea will not be able to attend this banquet. She has never been seen outside her own courts. It would not be difficult to pass you off in her likeness.”

“Wait?” Rune interrupted, “There is a planet of furries?”

“Furry refers to the state of the planet, not the people.” Allan glanced over at Rune.

“I’m not following.”

“Have you ever seen peach fuzz?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Imagine that, but an entire planet.”

“Now you’ve lost me.”

Allan readjusted his glasses, “This isn’t relevant to the conversation. What is relevant is a planetary attack grid of satellites stationed around Earth.”

“A what?” I inquired.

“A large cluster of unmanned attack satellites spread across Earth’s orbit are in hiding. When the Prince gives the word, they will disintegrate all satellites around Earth, destroying your communication. Then, the satellites will bombard large population centers to destroy moral and remove resistance.”

“Oh my god, how can we stop that?”

Allan glanced over at Ryan before continuing, “It is possible we can acquire the Prince’s attack codes. With Ryan and those codes, we can reprogram the satellites for another purpose. For example, reallocate them as an orbital defense grid. With that much firepower protecting the Earth, the cost of an attack would be too costly. They would have no choice but to give up the invasion.”

“And I suppose you want me to seduce him with my womanly wilds and get him to invite me to his rooms?”

“No, it won’t be necessary to-”

“Then, as he ravishes my body, grab a nearby statue and knock him over the head with it.”

“Not exactly, the plan is to-”

“Although I suppose I’ll have to seduce the body guards too. It shouldn’t be difficult. Plus, if they ever catch me I’ll just hide in a box until they forget about me.”

“That seems incredibly unlikely to work.”

“Why don’t I just knock each guard out, one at a time, working my way through the facility until I reach the Prince’s quarters, then my body won’t need to be ravished?”

Allan glanced at Andrew and Rune in exasperation. The pair had their mouths opened, but didn’t seem to have an answer for him. I don’t know what he wanted their opinion on, I’m the one he’s sending in there to be violated by alien tentacle monsters.

“Jane, listen carefully.”

“I’m listening…”

“No one is going to try to have sex with you…”

“You’ve lost me.”

“How? How have I lost you?”

“You’re sending me into the facility as a slutty, scantily clad princess to entertain the Prince.”

“I never said the princess appeared slutty or scantily clad.”

“She comes from peach fuzz planet, do the math.”

“That’s… disturbing that you would draw a conclusion from that.”

“So if the plan isn’t for me to manipulate my way in there, then what are we doing?”

“Ridiculous,” Allan pushed his glasses back up on his nose, “You merely need to get on the station. Ryan will do the rest. I can download the appropriate schematics. He will break into the Prince’s quarters while you keep the Prince at the banquet. You will not be required to seduce, harass, or detain anyone, just distract them.”

I twisted my mouth, so I didn’t get to do anything? For a second, I thought I was a spy. I infiltrated the base and was in the process of stealing the secret launch codes. I come out all the way into space and I get no steamy alien romances and no solid snake break in. It seemed like a rip-off. I mean, I didn’t want to lose my chastity to a space alien, but if it had to happen, space nobility that thought I was a princess wouldn’t be the worst way to go.

“Their male phallus are typically barbed,” Ryan spoke up.

I glanced away from the view of the dark side of the moon, my mind snapping back to the present. We were in the station now, in the middle of jeopardy. It was just my job to hide in my room and wait for Ryan to fix everything. After all that I’ve been through, that seemed wrong somehow. I needed to do more, but anything I said or did could get both of us killed, and the planet destroyed at that.

“I’m not following you,” I responded.

“I scanned your body, the areas your blood is flowing suggests you may be thinking about sexual relations with an alien.”

“You can tell that?”

Ryan ignored the question, “I merely am pointing out that the information Allan downloaded into my brain includes extensive mating knowledge on a large variety of species. The Riptari are known for having barbed genitalia which catches the inside the females to ensure fertilization.”

“That doesn’t sound hot and James T. Kirky at all.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“More like Star Wars desert space vagina.”

“Miss Jane?”

“Space… vagina…”

“Mistress, you do not seem yourself as of late. I noticed it on the ship but didn’t think I had sufficient reference to make that call. At first, I believed my measurements were faulty, but your temperature on my sensors reads abnormally high. Excuse me.”

Ryan pressed his cool forehead against mine, it was kind of nice. My skin was kind of hot, now that he mentioned it. He had a pleasant new car smell that emanated from his body. It was sexy.

“You currently have a fever of a hundred and two degrees. I am ashamed for not realizing it sooner. You need to be in bed, immediately.”

“Bed, huh? Why don’t you join me, you big sexy robot man?”

“You appear to be delirious Jane, you seem to have been for quite some time. I’m surprised you made it this far.”

Ryan kneeled down and then lifted, pulling me up into his arms with relative ease. I giggled, he was holding me like a knight in shining armor. I was a princess after all. Then the thought occurred to me. If we were going to be together in bed, he’d need the right equipment.

“I meant to ask one of these days. Do you have ‘male genitalia’, Ryan?”

Ryan put me into the bed, placing the cover over me. “My mistress designed me to serve her in all respects. I have adequate equipment for any situation. Now please, Miss Jane, rest.”

Ryan sat at the edge of the bed, then stared off into the distance for several moments. There were a buzzing and crackling sound.

“Yes, Ryan? This is Allan. Are the plans moving forward accordingly?” The sound emitted coming from Ryan’s gut as if he had swallowed some speakers.

“Unfortunately, there are some issues here. It would appear the Jane has contracted an illness.” Ryan spoke up, seemingly to thin air.

“Stop!” there was the sound of wrestling for a second and then a new voice came on the line.

“Jane is sick?” the voice sounded like Rune’s, “How is she doing right now?”

“If I had to describe her,” Ryan looked over at me, “Her condition would be described as promiscuous.”

“Is it contagious? Ow, stop…” there were more wrestling noises over the microphone.

“Be advised that I will work on sending you some medicine.” Allan’s voice came up. “It’s a risk, but we may have to send Andrew and Rune in disguise as ambassadors from another planet. Perhaps the Dredraty. They keep their faces covered 24/7 and always speak gibberish. I… I will contact you soon.”

“I sense hesitation in your voice, there is something you are not telling me.”

A muffled voice sounded over the noise, “Ridiculous.”

The sound fizzled for a second and then Andrew’s voice spoke up, “There is some kind of cult. One that seeks to put Angels and Demons at war with each other. Jane has dealt with them before. We have some reason to believe they may be trying to get a hold of the satellite grid for their own purposes.”

“Understood, I will keep a wary eye and stand by until further notice.” a click of the phone hanging up, and Ryan stood up, moving over to the room’s entrance.

He opened the door a crack and then whispered some things to someone who appeared to be waiting out in the hall. When he came back, he had a cloth and a pitcher of water. He wetted the towel and placed it over my forehead. The cool towel felt good against my skin.

“I’m sorry…” I said, “I’m messing up, aren’t I?”

“It is okay, Jane, we still have time to resolve this. They do not plan the banquet until tonight. That gives us about twelve hours. At the banquet, I’ll make my move. With Andrew and Rune here, it should be easier for you to keep their attention at the banquet.”

“Is… all of this okay with you? I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to help if you… don’t want to.”

Ryan gave me a tight smile, “Earth’s survival is dependent on my assistance. I am highly motivated to assist you in this matter.”

“Ryan, do you think I’m pretty?”

Ryan glanced down at me with a smile. “My mistress used to ask that question a lot herself.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her she was the most beautiful woman I ever saw.”

“And what about me?”

Ryan smiled again, turning to peer out the windows while his hand pressed the cold towel on my head. I kept seeing that look on his face. On the surface, it appeared emotionless and cold, a robot’s face. I could swear, though, the edges of the mouth and the eyes were just a little too downturned, sadness, a great deal of sadness. The thoughts were lost as my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

“Did you bring the medicine?”

Nearby sounds caused my eyes to open.

“Yeah, but it took a while to get into the station,” Andrew’s voice answered.

I turned towards the voices and could see Andrew and Rune. Ryan was still there, fully dressed in his butler attire. I looked down and noticed I was no longer wearing the green dress I had been in before. Ryan must have undressed me while I was asleep. He and I would need to have a conversation about that sometime soon.

The last day or so was kind of blurry. I knew I felt hot, but I didn’t know I had a fever. I was always like that, getting sick without even being aware of it until I passed out unconscious. I had the vaguest memory of hitting on Ryan or possibly hitting on the Prince? I don’t know, it was hard to remember. Regrettably, it was my little dirty secret that I got a little loopy when I had fevers. Samantha told me the one time I had a fever while I stayed at her house and ended up spending three hours making out with one of her stuffed animals. She said, after that, the two of them just couldn’t look each other in the eyes anymore and she had to sell it at a garage sale.

I wiped my forehead, slick with sweat, at least the fever broke. With a little struggle, I pushed myself up, trying to get a better sight of the boys. Here I found myself on a crazy space adventure, and I spent most of it in a fever coma. Life just wasn’t fair.

“You’re awake?” Andrew noticed, breaking away from Ryan and moving over to me. “Here, take this medicine. It’s Sudafed and aspirin.”

“An alien had Sudafed sitting on his ship?”

“He said it was part of a side gig and I should mind my own business.” Andrew frowned.

“We’re glad you’re safe,” Rune moved up next to him, “These aliens give me the creeps, and I hate these stupid robes we have to wear.”

Now that they mentioned it, I noticed the pair of them wore oversized red robes. They looked almost like mages or something, but the hoods were pulled back right now to reveal their faces.

“You almost blew our cover on the way in,” Andrew frowned at Rune.

“Well who said I had to be the servant. There’s no way in hell I’m going to serve you!”

“This is counterproductive to succeeding in our mission. Do I need to remind the pair of you we are only one hour away from the banquet and eleven hours before they start the attack?”

The two boys turned their angry glares away from each other.

“So what is the plan now?” Andrew asked.

“It hasn’t changed much. Rune and I will attempt to sneak the codes while you and Jane keep the Prince distracted at the banquet. Presuming that Jane is fit for the task that is.”

I hastily swallowed the medicine in my hand. “I’m better now, I can handle this.”

Ryan turned back to the two boys, “I suggest you return to your rooms immediately. I will prepare the princess and meet you down in the banquet hall.”

Ryan ushered the two boys out, barely giving them time to wish me luck before shutting the door in their faces. He turned away, moving towards my green dress, now hanging up on the door of a closet.

“Um, what are you doing?”

Ryan looked back. “I must dress and prepare you for the banquet.”

“You really don’t.”

“It is currently my duty to act as a servant to the princess. In that capacity, it is my responsibility to dress and prepare you properly.”

“That’s not happening.”

“It is not the first time I have seen a woman naked. My mistress frequently tasked me with changing her each morning and hand washing her clothing. My memory has a fairly complete list of hairdressing techniques and makeup application protocols. I can more than adequately dress you.”

“You’re not seeing me naked.”

Ryan sighed. “The success of this mission is dependent on your capacity to hold the Prince’s attention. Allowing me to prepare you will increase the chances of our success. You’ve ordered me to do what I want to do. I want to fulfill my job as a servant admirably.”

“That’s not the same thing.” I ground my teeth at Ryan’s blank stare, “Alright, how about we make a deal. You do up my makeup and hair, and then I put on my dress alone. Without you.”

Ryan cocked his head to the side, “That isn’t necessary, but I will oblige. Now please come, there is little time.”

I moved off of the bed, sitting in the seat he gestured to. Ryan placed a towel around my neck, and within a minute was clipping away and spraying my hair. His hands moved fast. I didn’t know where he found the tools, but he worked efficiently. Within a few minutes, he was wrapping my hair up in long dowels.

He moved to my front, and pulled out a cylinder of nail polish, wiped my hands, dried them, and began applying the polish.

“Don’t tell me aliens just happen to have nail polish and hair cutting tools lying around?”

Ryan moved from finger to finger, painting with a precision and speed that I never thought possible. “I carry these tools on me at all times. I want to be prepared for any request my mistress might give me at a moment’s notice.”

“Carry them with you, where?”

“I have internal compartments for this purpose.”

I considered asking him where those internal compartments were, but then I realized I would probably be happier not knowing. The medicine seemed to be working, my energy returned. Ryan shifted to applying face makeup, his hands moving across my skin gently and cleanly. With the speed he moved, I admitted that I was a little concerned. It took me almost four hours to prepare for a homecoming or prom. Ryan was trying to do the same amount of effort in less than an hour.

Ryan finished my face, removing the curls and cleaning my hair. Not a single drop of water fell on my face as he worked. When he finished patting it dry, he turned away, moving to the corner of the room. I looked back at him in confusion.

“What are you doing?”

“I have finished my task, you wish to change without being seen.”

I rose an eyebrow. “You don’t have to stand in the corner. I can change in the bathroom.”

I stood up, moving to my dress and bringing it into the bathroom with me. Ryan watched me as I walked into the other room and shut the door. I shook my head once the door closed. It was hard not to like Ryan. He was so kind, considerate, and skilled. However, how much did he do simply because he was programmed? It made me a little sad to think about it.

I turned to the mirror and my mouth went slack. The person who was looking back at me was absolutely stunning. It’s wasn’t being conceded, it was just that the work Ryan had done was absolutely incredible. My hair was done up high, elaborate curls and waves woven into intricate patterns. My normally dull brown hair had a sheen. I would need to ask Ryan where he bought is salon supplies when we were done with this.

I pulled off the pajamas I had been dressed in and hastily put the green dress back on. It seemed almost a shame to put the green veil over my face. The makeup was applied perfectly. They made my cheeks look higher, my face look slimmer, and my eyes look bigger; and I honestly couldn’t even say what he did to elicit the changes, but they all counted.

I opened the door and stepped out, for the first time since I started this little endeavor feeling like a princess. Ryan held a hand out to me, and I fought the urge to blush. I reached out and took his hand. He was wearing a pair of white gloves and was completely decked out in a full tuxedo. I supposed it was formal butler-ware, but to me, it could have done well on any prom date.

He opened the door out of our room. I took a deep breath; it was time to go do this. It was now or never. The pair of us left the room and moved down a long hallway. The base was garnered up more formally than I had expected from an invasion force. I supposed that was to get the Galactic Alliance, or whatever they were calling it, on the Riptari’s side.

We ended up moving to the front doors of a large, luxurious looking entrance. Ryan let go of my hand, and I bottled up the swelling of regret forming within me. I didn’t know why my heart was being so fast. I was probably just nervous about this espionage. I was about to face a room full of aliens after all.

“I will part with you here,” Ryan nodded, “Go inside and mingle. I will see what I can do.”

Ryan gave my name to a door greeter before turning and walking away. I watched him go with regret. Now I was on my own. At least Andrew would be around somewhere. The greeter announced my presence, and I walked into the room. It was a massively decorated hall complete with chandeliers, an orchestra playing strange ethereal music, and large groups of colorful guests.

Colorful was exactly the word to describe them. No two aliens had the same skin color. Although some of them looked a lot like the host Prince, their species seemed to have different skin color like humans had a different eye or hair color.

Prince Styf was surrounded by a group of people. He had a platter of some kind of food. I decided I’d stay away from the alien foods. Some of the food on the plates looked like they were still moving. The Prince looked over and noticed me entering the room. He excused himself from his companions, making his way in my direction.

“Hello,” he offered a hand, “Princess Nefriti, I see the rumors are true, you are as beautiful as the rumors suggest.”

“Is that what they say?” I offered flippantly, trying not to blush.

The Prince leaned closer to me, speaking in an almost whisper, “Are the other rumors true as well?”

I frowned behind the veil. Something about the Prince’s leering eye and tone of voice made me uneasy with what he was asking.

“I suppose that depends on the rumors.”

Prince Styf laughed as if I had made some kind of joke, “They say that the people of Magratea… are very progressive.”

“I’m not sure I follow what you mean.”

“I’ve heard rumors of this thing you do called the Pon farr.”

“I’ve… yes, of course.” I had no clue what he was talking about.

“And is it really like how they describe it?”

“It’s exactly like they describe it.”

Prince Styf’s eyes brightened, “You’ve given me something to think out. Say, would you be interested in…”

“May I have this dance?”

The voice broke in, causing Prince Styf to turn an annoyed gaze on the interrupting party. A man dressed in elaborate red robes extended his hand towards me. His face was completely obscured by a mask. My first instinct was to tell him, no, but the familiarity of the voice slammed home. That was right, Andrew was in disguise too. I took his offered hand, and he led me away.

A song began. It wasn’t something I recognized, but it sounded orchestral and quite pretty. I took Andrew’s other hand, and suddenly I found us moving out onto the dance floor. His feet were quick and sure, I didn’t realize Andrew could dance like this. He spun me in a quick arc, then pulled me close to him.

“I’m sorry, but he was all over you and I thought you could use the bailing out,” Andrew whispered.

I smiled, “Thanks, he was giving me kind of a creepy vibe, but we’re supposed to be keeping his attention.”

“Oh, you have his attention, he hasn’t stopped looking at us.” Andrew chuckled.

I glanced back to see Prince Skyf watching us move with a distinct frown on his face. He seemed very unhappy for some reason. I accidently slipped, stepping on Andrew’s toe. A blush formed on my lips, but he cupped my cheek and gave a smile that I could see through the mask.

“It’s okay; you’re doing great.”

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” I asked as he pulled me into a dip.

“You didn’t know, Angels are incredible dancers?”

I let out a laugh, “No, I didn’t.”

Another robed person suddenly approached us and tapped on Andrew’s shoulder. He looked to his side at the newcomer.

“Rune? Why aren’t you helping Ryan?” Andrew asked.

“There’s a problem.”

The two of us dropped our hands and parted, turning to Rune.

“What’s going on?”

“We made it into the Prince’s room, but we were jumped. Ryan said he would hold them off and that I should get you guys. Things are about to hit the fan.”

I looked over at the Prince. He had previously been giving Andrew and me dirty looks from across the room. Now he was talking to one of his soldiers, his face steadily growing angrier.

“We need to go now,” I told the boys, picking up my dress and racing out of the room.

“No, wait,” Andrew put up his hand.

I was already out the door and heading down the hallway. We needed to get to Ryan as quickly as possible. I raced towards the Prince’s room. At the back of my head, I realized it was probably stupid. There was almost certainly nothing I could do.

I burst into the room, the furniture was destroyed. Various trash was scattered across the room like it had been ransacked. Ryan lied in the middle of the floor, his eyes closed. I knelt down and touched his skin. It was cold and hard. Oh no, he had no heartbeat. Ryan was dead! Tears began to fall down my face as I let out a sob.

Ryan’s eyes snapped open, and I jumped. The boys seriously needed to stop doing that to me. That was right, he’s a robot, no heartbeat. I blushed in embarrassment.

“Self-repair at 42% and rising.”

“You’re… going to be okay?”

“I apologize, the ambushers managed to acquire the codes and incapacitate me. I have failed you.” Ryan answered.

“It’s alright, I was worried you might be hurt. I’m just so happy you’re okay.”

“You… really care about me?”

“Of course, I do, you’re a friend.” I gave him a smile.

“I… thank you so much.”

“What is this?” An incredulous voice snapped.

I glanced up to see the Prince standing at the entrance to the room with a large group of guards.

“You!” he shouted with an angry voice looking down at the pair of us, “Guards, arrest these traitors!”

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Hawtness – Volume 2 – Chapter 2

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Panty Lift Off

“What did you do, Allan?” Andrew asked, rubbing his head as he took in a deep breath.

We were now standing in a white chamber. It was cylindrical in appearance with white walls on every side. The floor had six white spots with a smooth glass-like appearance. It basically looked like the inside of an alien spaceship. I wondered if Allan did that on purpose to mess with me.

“I teleported us onto my spacecraft positioned in a geosynchronous orbit traveling at seven thousand miles per hour.”

“Why?” Rune asked, breathing hard.

“Attempting to explain my actions to you was a waste of time. It was quicker to show you.”

“A little warning would be nice next time,” Rune snapped.

Allan straightened his glasses, “A little consideration on your side would be appreciated as well.”

I was crouched against a wall, my head resting in my hands. Why did these things keep happening to me? Was my destiny completely out of my control? Was I fated to be dragged from random place to random place in the name of what, the future? I took a deep breath, suppressing all of my anger and self-absorbed whining. Getting depressed wouldn’t get me out of this situation.

“What do you want, Allan?” I asked directly.

The three boys turned to me. Andrew and Rune seemed to have looks of surprise. What? Did they assume Allan had kidnapped us for the joy of it? Boys could be so stupid sometimes. Allan wanted something, I was certain of that.

Allan nodded, the hint of a smirk at the corner of his face, “I prefer directness too. That will make this considerably easier. Your planet is in grave danger. My race, the Prefects, don’t typically take positions when it comes to this kind of thing. We are silent observers fulfilling our missions for the good of the collective knowledge of our species. However, I’ve decided to at least inform relevant parties as to the threat.”

“Relevant parties?” Rune frowned, “What’s relevant about us?”

“An Archangel, an Archdemon, and Jane Averygail, a girl whom I’ve recently confirmed was involved in the incident sixty some years ago, involving a time-traveling alien. If you haven’t realized it, your unexpected participation in the great treaty that occurred on that date helped lead to the capture of that particular time traveling alien. A necromancer detected time particles on you and was able to track down the offender as a result. He was a notorious evil criminal who was brought to justice by your actions. Your name, and your actions are well known across the three known galaxies.”

“Fantastic,” I muttered, although Andrew and Rune seemed to be looking at me with impressed looks.

I had told them most of what had happened in the past. I didn’t really mention my near death, Daniel’s mom, Victor, or Mr. Xavier’s ghost. I imagined Andrew figured out some of the things, but Rune seemed to forget ever meeting me. Either way, I didn’t want to associate what happened in the past with what happened now. It hurt my head just thinking about it.

“So you know what we are?” Andrew asked, walking around the small chamber we were standing in.

“It is my job to observe, and I have analyzed your group activities for some time. Regrettably, my previous attempts to gain access to your confidence proved unsuccessful.”

Andrew went to ask another question, but I interrupted first, “What threat to Earth?”

“There is currently a full-scale invasion being planned. In the next forty-eight hours, your planet will be invaded, conquered, and enslaved.”

“What?” Rune shouted.

“I don’t believe it…” Andrew shook his head.

I just remained silent, watching Allan as he stared unemotionally at the three of us.

“Do you not care?” I asked.

Allan’s eyebrow raised, “I’ve only been stationed on this planet for the last year. I will simply be stationed somewhere else. You have my sympathies, but that is all I can offer. It is my species policy to not get involved. I probably should not have even informed you about it. Now that the relevant people know of this, I will send you back to your planet.”

“What?” Rune shouted even louder than the last time, he approached Allan as if he was about to punch him. Allan held a finger over his wristband threateningly. It kept Rune at bay.

“You can’t just tell us that and then leave. We need to do something to save Earth. Have some compassion,” Andrew urged Allan, “At least, take us there. Maybe we can talk them out of it.”

“I highly doubt that. These aliens, the Riptari, gain too much from this invasion. They hope to join the intergalactic alliance by conquering Earth.”

“Why Earth?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“It is a resource rich planet that is labeled as a fairly easy push over. They planned this for some time.”

“And you didn’t tell us sooner?”

“Because I didn’t know sooner. I would not wait this long to leave the planet myself had I known this would happen.”

“Please,” Andrew put his hand on Allan’s shoulder, “Please help us. Earth may not be my planet, but I care about the planet and care for some of the people on it.”

A blush flared on my cheeks, which I shoved down with a passion. He said people, not person, when did I get such a big head as to assume it was about me? For all I know, he’s in love with Samantha.

“I can’t.”

Rune growled, a purple flame forming in his hand, “Then I’ll have to make you.”

“No, I mean, I literally can’t. Their base of operations is on the dark side of the moon. This ship is stuck in orbit. I can’t get it to go anywhere.”

“This is your ship, isn’t it?”

“Of course, it is my ship. However, it is powered by complex, subroutine algorithms that protect the main controls of the ship from outside influence. In an unfortunate twist, those algorithms became corrupted.”

I thought about it for a second, “So what you’re saying is, you forgot the password?”

Allan grimaced, “After only three tries, it does a system-wide lock. I’d need to contact the dealer to get a master encryption to unlock it, but with the invasion, they are jamming my signal.”

Rune’s fire went out as he put his face in his palms. Andrew turned away, shaking his head. So that was it? At best, we could sit up here and wait for the planet to be destroyed? At worst, we could be down there as the planet is invaded and be part of the invasion? Were those the choices we had?

Allan shook his head, “If I just had some advanced machinery, I could hard wire and bypass the routine and regain control of the ship. I’d need an extremely complex OS, an AI level adaptable sub-hardware routine.”

I tried to process the words he was saying once again, “What? You mean, like a robot?”

Allan pushed his glasses back up his nose, “Well, more like an android, but nothing like that exists on your planet.”

I pinched my nose. Why was my life just a series of unfortunate occurrences?

I turned to Allan, looking him directly in those big doe eyes of his behind spectacles. “If I can get you a robot, and we can get the ship back running, will you help me stop this alien invasion?”

Allan rose an eyebrow, “If you know of a robot, then we have an agreement.”

“What are you talking about, Jane?” Rune finally spoke up.

“Can we get out of this room first?” I asked, “We need to start making some plans.”

Allan touched a small button on his wrist control and a door seemed to appear out of nowhere. Our small group was led out of the small room into an even smaller corridor.

“I have to say, I expected everything to be a lot bigger,” Rune muttered as he crouched down a narrow pathway.

“Ships are not made for convenience. They are a utility. You don’t walk around comfortably in a minivan, do you?” Allan responded.

“That reminds me of something I wanted to ask,” Andrew said.

“Do you have to?” Allan responded.

Andrew ignored him, “You’re supposed to be some kind of alien, right? Well, you appear human.”

“That is a statement, not a question,” Alan said, moving into a room that looked a bit like a cockpit. It had five different seats but didn’t offer a terrible amount of space.

My breath caught at the glass windows in front. I could see Earth hovering under us, a sky absolutely bursting with stars. It was an absolutely beautiful sight. I couldn’t take my eyes away.

“Why do you look like a human?” Andrew finished.

“I don’t look human. I appear like my own species. You see, all sentient intelligent alien beings take on a form that roughly looks like you humans. Some have ridges here, or pointy ears, or green skin. However, every species more or less looks human.”

“Sounds ridiculously convenient.”

“It is.”

“Is this some kind of cosmic destiny thing?” Andrew asked, genuinely interested.

“It’s more an observation. The observation suggests that in order for a species to develop a culture in such a way as to become sentient and space faring, they must possess three attributes. They must have opposable thumbs, they must stand on their hind legs, and they must possess brains fed by a cardiovascular system that utilizes oxygen. It is not made clear why these things must exist, but it has become known as the Law of Star Transient Relocation Elementary Kinetics. Or the Law of Star Trek for short.”

“The Law of Star Trek?” I burst in. That law does seem convenient on more than one level.


“What about you?” Rune broke into the conversation, “You don’t seem to have any strange features.”

“My species have large deep doe eyes. I wear these glasses to reduce their effect on native women.”

“What are you even talking about? Your eyes are normal.” Rune laughed.

Allan pulled off his glasses. Instantly, the space outside seemed a lot less interesting to me. His eyes were so deep and dark and cute. How did I never notice how attractive he was? I wanted to examine those eyes all day long. They were so thoughtful, so emotional, and so powerful. I giggled.

Allan put his glasses back on. I blinked, looking around. Andrew and Rune seemed to be holding me back from something. Both boys looked concerned as they pulled their hands away from me. I straightened myself out. What was I just doing now?

“You’ll probably want these back,” Allan said straightly, tossing a piece of clothing to me.

I snatched the clothing out of the air and looked it over, my mouth going slack and my face becoming mortified as I realized what it was.

“This is my underwear.”


“Why were you holding my panties?”

“You tossed them at me,” Allan explained; Andrew and Rune gave slight nods to confirm it was the truth.

“My pants are on, how did I even get the underwear off?”

The boys all looked at each other, but it was Rune who spoke first, “We’re all kind of wondering the same thing. We saw it happen and don’t even understand it. You sort of just reached in there and… pulled them out.”

I was mortified, but I had to put on a stronger show, couldn’t let these boys seem me weak right now, “Never take your glasses off, Allan, ever again.”

Allan nodded, even he seemed a little startled at whatever I had missed a few moments past.

“So,” I decided it was time to change the subject, “You say all aliens are very similar to each other. Can we use this to infiltrate their base?”

“First, I would like to get my ship working. Where is this robot of yours?”

“Well, he’s not my robot, he just happens to be a robot. Do you know Ryan, he’s in the A/V club?”

“I have heard of him. Despite the fact you only gave me his first name, there is only one Ryan in the entire school.”

“How convenient.”

“It is. Fortunately, the transporting for this ship is not locked out, being part of a secondary routine. Another convenience.”

Allan typed a few buttons on his controller, “I have now teleported him to the ship. Can you return to the teleportation room and bring him here? I will begin overriding the system. I will need your help, Rune, and Andrew if you will?”

The two boys nodded, and I found myself crawling back down the tight spaced hallway to the back of the ship. Of course, it would have to be me who dealt with the robot. I felt a little guilty about it. I promised the guy that I’d leave him alone, and now I was dragging him into my crazy life. He was probably completely freaking out right now.

I entered the teleportation room. The door had been left open and for a second I feared Ryan might have wondered off into some random part of the ship. My fears were elated when I saw he was standing in the middle of the teleportation pad. It looked like he hadn’t moved an inch since he had been teleported. He still had those headphones sticking out of his ears and hanging loosely down his body as well.

“Ryan, I’m sorry, I know I promised that we’d pretend our meeting didn’t happen, but some things came up since then.”

Ryan turned his head to look at me, “It is alright. Humans often make promises with me they do not keep.”

I frowned at the way he said that, but when he turned back to looking straight ahead of himself, I shook myself out of it.

“This is a spaceship in orbit around space. Are you familiar with these at all?”

“No, mistress never showed me anything like a spacecraft before.”

“Mistress? So you have some kind of master?”

“Yes,” Ryan turned back to me and nodded enthusiastically, “Mistress is the one who created me.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t take you away from your mistress, did I?”

Ryan shook his head, “No, mistress has not engaged with me in some time.”

“How long since you last engaged with your mistress?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“Two years, three months, twelve days, seven hours, forty-five minutes, twenty-three seconds since mistress has last given me an order.”

“Two years?” I asked in surprise, “What have you been doing for two years?”

“I have followed my base protocol. Stay low, and continue to execute routine maintenance for peak efficiency.”

“Where does school come in?”

“In this body, I would look stranger away from school. As a student, I can remain inconspicuous and volunteering for the A/V club lets me have access to leftover cables and broken devices I can scavenge for repairs. I will continue to follow my commands until mistress returns.”

“You seem shockingly open about this. Wouldn’t staying low mean you shouldn’t be telling me this?”

“I am programmed to follow any command my mistress gives until she countermands it. One of my last orders was to follow the instructions of any person who gave them to me.”

“That seems like an odd order to give…”

“Not at all. Mistress took great pleasure in giving me to others and allowing them to order me.”

“That sounds very ominous.”

“Ma’am, was there a question associated with that?”

I sighed, I really didn’t have time to get into android politics. The world was about to end.

“If I ordered you to repair this ship, would you help me do it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I went to make the order, but something about what he had said unnerved me. His mistress had ordered him to stay put and so he had for two years without question. She told him to do whatever anyone asked. Some of Ryan’s reputation at the school came back to me. He was considered a complete teacher’s pet. Also, a handful of girls frequently used him as the carrier boy. It was always assumed he had a crush on one of the girls, but I was beginning to think they were just using him. They were using him like everyone else was using him. He was a thing to them. Something about that didn’t sit well with me.

“I order you to do what you want to do.” The words came out of my mouth.

“Ma’am? I do not understand the order.”

The thought that this was the right thing to do grew firmer in my mind.

“Think about what you want to do. I want you to do that. I’d like you to help me repair the ship, but only if you want to help. I’m not going to order you.”

“No one has ever given me an order like that before.”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

Ryan cocked his head for a second, seeming in thought, and then gave a nod, “I’d like to go home, and wait for my mistress to return.”

I frowned; that wasn’t the answer I was hoping for.

“Can you please help me fix the ship?”

Ryan shook his head, “No, If my order is to do what I want, I would like to continue to wait for my mistress. Can you please return me?”

I grimaced. I had done this to myself.

Ryan frowned as he looked at the expressions on my face, “You are welcome to recall the order, and then order me to fix the ship.”

I grimaced even more. This was wrong. Too much of this was wrong. A boy should not be that much of a complete walk-over. He should have spirit. He should have confidence. He should be as caring and as determined as Andrew, or as fiery and as spirited as Rune. He could be as loyal and steadfast as Daniel, and perhaps even a little sensuality from Alex wouldn’t go amiss. He should be fun and playful like Victor, smart and clever like Allan. He should be kind like… I stopped, realizing what I was doing. That wasn’t fair. Not to me, not to Ryan, and not to any of the other boys in my life.

I took a deep breath, and started again, “Ryan, in forty-eight hours, a race of aliens will attack Earth. Do you know what that means?”

Ryan cocked his head again before responding, “It means the Earth is in danger of destruction.”

“How do you think your mistress will feel if the Earth is destroyed?”

“Mistress’ plans would be foiled. She would be very upset.”

That wasn’t exactly what I was looking for as an answer, but at this point, I took it.

“If I can repair this ship, there is a chance we can stop this invasion from occurring. Will you help me?”

Ryan thought about it for a second, cocking his head in a strange manner once again.

“I will help you fix this ship,” Ryan finally answered, putting a smile on his face; it seemed almost genuine, “By choice.”

I smiled back at Ryan, offering him my hand. He grabbed it and I led him back up to the cockpit of the ship. As the pair of us walked into the room, I noticed the three boys were staring at something laid out on one of the consoles. I let go of Ryan’s hand as the three turned to us.

“Well, Jane,” Allan pushed his glasses back into place over his nose, “While you were gone, we worked out a plan to save your planet. It’s risky and a bit of a longshot, but I think it just might work.”

Rune gave me a grin, “Jane, how do you feel about wearing dresses?”

I looked back at the three boys, all of them watching me with curious looks.

“I’m fine in a dress,” I answered back, patting the pocket with my underwear in it, “As long as the underwear stays on.”

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Hawtness – Volume 2 – Chapter 1

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Idol Hearts

“IDOL HEARTS, AND IDOL DREAMS. THE DARKNESS OUTSIDE, AND LIGHT BETWEEN.” The words blasted as Demetrius began to next part of the song.

“Oh my God, Isn’t Demetrius the best!” Samantha shouted, jumping up and down and screaming.

Demetrius was dancing on stage. He wore black leather chaps and a black vest with nothing under it. This bared most of his chest and abs for his audience to see. His well-oiled body glimmered in the stage light and his ear piercing shined. Behind him a fire erupted as he jumped towards the crowd, gyrating his hips.


The chorus of screaming teenage girls reached an all-time high. I covered my years, certain that the noise insured I’d need a hearing aid by the age of forty. Samantha noticed me covering my ears and jabbed me in the side.

“Lighten up!” She yelled, “You should be glad you’re out of the house.”

“I am, I don’t know how you talked my mom into ending my grounding day early!”

“Well, I’m special,” Samantha grinned at me, “Just stop playing naked twister with your brother. Or if you do, don’t get caught.”

“He’s my half-brother, and he’s adopted. Why am I even defending myself, it’s not what it looks like!”

Samantha shrugged, “I’m just saying, I knew you were kinky with some of the fan fiction you buy off me, but I didn’t think you were about family fun.”

“This coming from the girl whose first kiss came from her cousin.”

Samantha stuck her tongue out at me, “Well, my pet beagle wasn’t in the mood.”

The two of us giggled; that helped my mood a little bit. This last week had been a nightmare. The uncomfortable atmosphere that transpired after I had gotten some clothes on was unbearable. My mom had given me an uncomfortable talk about how when she was a girl, she had urges to experiment too. Alex got a little bit of the berating too, for failing to be the big sister and letting it happen. Between the three of us, we were able to explain an assortment of accidents that led to the event happening. I still ended up grounded for a week.

After mom grounded me, Tomodalton had moved into the last empty guest room in our oversized house. I had Alex to relay messages for me. One by one, all of the boys in my life went to check on me at the house. While my mom intercepted each of them, she had quite a bit of fun having long conversations with each and every one of them in excess. Alex wouldn’t tell me what was said while I was stuck up in my room, but the words “chastity of my daughter” were used a lot. Alex assured me she vouched for me in these circumstances, but I wondered how good her word was at this point.


“You know, Alex loves Demetrius. He’ll be so jealous we went without him.” I spoke before I was able to stop myself.

“Alex, the hawtness boy is in love with a boy popstar? He did always seem a little fruity. He being gay makes so much sense.”

I frowned, deciding not to correct her assumption. It was better this way.


The song ended to more shrill cries of adoring fans. Demetrians were what the fan-girls called themselves.

I leaned towards my friend. “Samantha, you’re drooling,”

She wiped her chin, giving me a ‘but out while I’m having my fun’ gaze, causing me to chuckle. The fan-girls were more entertaining than the concert. I heard one girl encapsulating a group of teens. She had a Kleenex that she swore Demetrius had wiped his sweat off on. I shivered at the idea. I wondered how much his used jockstrap would go for. On that note, Samantha had propositioned me to acquire certain personal items from my h club friends not too long ago. I refused her, of course, but the implications of her request were now starting to dawn on me.

“Hello my sweet little minions. It’s been great playing in my hometown.”

That was Demetrius talking up on the stage. He liked to call girls is little minions. His whole stick was a cross between an emo and a pop singer. He wore dark clothing, and slick black gelled hair, and had tan-less white skin. He even wore fangs some times. Most of his songs were about darkness and love. He had pulled off his vest now and was dangling it over stage. Several girls seemed prime to have him throw it out into the audience. I hoped he had the decency not to, it was likely to cause a riot.

Samantha slapped my chest several times with the back of her hand as she stared up at the stage with an appearance of awe on her face.

“What is it?” I hissed.

“It’s starting; he’s going to do it, he’s going to do it!” She was still hitting me with her hand, but I think she had forgotten it was even there.

“So what?” I snapped, grabbing her hand.

“He’ll pick a girl from the audience and she gets the royal treatment in his changing room.”

“That sounds a little pedo to me, everyone here’s a teenager.”

“He’s only seventeen himself, besides, Demetrius would never force himself on a girl!” Samantha seemed to have a little anger in her voice that I would even imply that.

“Tonight! One lucky girl will have the chance to go back stage with one of her friends and meet me personally!”

Another shrill cry of teenage girls. I’d need that hearing aid by the time I was thirty now.

“And the lucky winner by completely random drawing is…. Jane Averygail.”

There was a collective sigh as people cried out in sorrow at not having been selected. Samantha started screaming and bouncing, her hands on both of my shoulders.

“This is Jane, this is Jane. We’re coming, don’t forget us!”

This wasn’t fair. I tried to be a good daughter. I tried to treat people like they wanted to be treated. I always ate my vegetables. Why was it always me? Wait, was that why Samantha invited me to this in the first place? She realized that I always end up with the guy and so she brought me along? That evil woman. Still, I’d be late if I went backstage. Mom told me to head home as soon as the concert let out.

“Samantha, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Samantha spun me around, pure malevolence in her eyes, “You don’t screw this up for me, Bitch, I will cut you.”

“Samantha? You’re hurting my shoulders a little, Samantha. Samantha?”

The look on Samantha’s face looked feverish. I did have some dangerous friends, and I wasn’t talking about the werewolf or the demons.

“Alright, we’ll go!” I threw up my hands.

Samantha laughed, turning me back and pushing me forward like a shield through the crowds of angry teenagers who wished they had been picked. At any moment, I was expecting to get shived. Relax, Jane, this is a pop concert, not a prison.

Samantha pulled me into a side hallway and led me down the path leading to the backstage and an intimidating security guard. As the two of us approached him, he looked me up and down.

“Are you the Jane girl?” he asked in a deep voice.

“Yes, she is,” Samantha answered, “and I’m her plus one!”

The guard sneered, “Yeah, he’s been waiting for you.”

There was something very ominous about the way he said those words, but with Samantha next to me bubbling with excitement, I decided to not say any more. The result might be her punishing me in ways I might regret. I didn’t know what kind of tortures my friend could devise, but based on some of the fan fictions she has written of late, I’m sure it’d be both painful and would prevent us from ever being able to look each other in the eyes again.

The guard moved aside, and once again Samantha was dragging me into the next room. It was a large area with a table full of a broad assortment of untouched food and several couches as well as a big screen TV. The room seemed to be decorated with Demetrius in mind. Dark swaths of fabric and several antique candles on stands were laid out across the room. I figured it was supposed to be gothic and edgy.

The door opened from the other end, and Demetrius walked in from the stage. He didn’t have his vest with him. I suppose some lucky girl was walking home with it. He had a towel on and was wiping the sweat from his face. As he walked closer to me, Samantha grabbed my shoulder as if she was having a heart attack. That wasn’t the part that worried me. What did worry me was the growing sense of similarity emanating from this man. I had met him before, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Well hello, Jane, its great having a chance to meet you like this. I’m glad you chose to come to the concert. Did you enjoy it?”

Before I responded, Samantha pushed in front of me, moving up to the familiar pop star, “Mr. Demetrius, I have to say I am like your biggest fan. The biggest fan ever. I love you. I’m in love with you. Are you single? Do you have any naughty piercings? Can you read my fan fiction about you? No, of course you don’t want to read that. Can you sign my breasts? I suppose that’s inappropriate. How about my butt? I’m not asking that because I want to show you anything inapprop-”

Demetrius smiled throughout her entire barrage before lifting one finger and putting it over her lips. Samantha stopped, letting out a small whimper. Demetrius leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. Samantha’s jaw went slack and she started letting out an elongated moan. He backed away, eyeballing her for a second before turning to look at me.

The familiarity got to me, “I recognize you from somewhere, don’t I?”

“Yes, but your friend appears to be foaming at the mouth.”

“Forget her, she’ll get over it. Who are you?”

Samantha’s eyes rolled back into her head and she fell back, collapsing onto the ground with a solid thud.

“Oh my god! Your friend just passed out unconscious.”

“She does that, ignore her. Why are you so familiar to me?”

The unintended scrutiny from me seemed to unnerve the pop star a bit, he gave a nervous smile and put a hand up to his hair, slicking it back. The way he looked when he did it, doubtful and unsure of himself, stirred my memory even more. I recognized that face. It was the face of a man far less muscular and well-oiled who lived in a dark room and wanted to die.


The boy broke out into a giant smile, “I knew I couldn’t pull one on you!”

“Oh my God, Victor, you’re a teen popstar?”

Victor laughed, twirling around in front of me, “It looks good on me, doesn’t it? I know, a little too bright and upbeat, but I try to keep it dark and vampire-like. Can’t forget my roots now, can I?”

“Oh wow! I never realized you’d accomplish so much!”

“Oh, well, with 50 years of prep time, I started going to the gym. A night gym of course. Gained some muscle mass, started doing the beauty treatment. Wandered around for a while as a vagrant. Learned to use a variety of instruments, after that I joined KISS for a while.


“Yeah, the heavy metal band that wears all the makeup. Did that for a while, but they got a little too extreme. Scared me away from them.”

“KISS was too extreme for an immortal vampire?”

“Well, they wanted me to bite the head off a chicken.” Victor shook his head in disgust. “Now, I may be an immortal blood sucking monster, but murdering a defenseless chicken for entertainment is too far.”

“Sounds like you have a good sense of morality.”

“Exactly. I was like, now I’ll eat a rat or a small puppy just like the next guy. A vampire needs to eat after all…”

“Okay, now you’re oversharing.”

“But I’m not going to suck a used tampon on stage.”

“Yeah, definitely oversharing.”

“Well, anyway, I went low for a while after I ditched them. Eventually, the boy bands started to hit the scene. I popped out a few hit singles and here I am!”

I was in the middle of a nod when an idea occurred to me, “Your first hit single was ‘Jane’s Dilemma’?”

That stopped Demetrius’ barrage of words in its tracks. He gave me a slow nod.

“And that song is based on everything I told you?”

Demetrius hesitated a second before nodding once again.

“And in the end of that song, Jane gets with you…”

Demetrius did not respond this time, giving me a blank look.


Demetrius let out a long, drawn breath before answering, “Jane, in the last fifty years, I’ve done a lot of things. I’ve been with a lot of women. However, always in the back of my heart, I felt unsatisfied. I felt incomplete. I felt like half of a vampire. Do you want to know why that is, Jane?”

“Not really.”

“It’s you, Jane.”

“You did drugs in the 70s, didn’t you?”

“I’m serious, Jane. No matter who I was with, no matter what I tried, I always missed you. You filled a hole in my heart when you visited me those fifty years ago. When that time traveler of yours took you away, I was lost. However, I waited. I waited years to be with you. I’ve waited all the way up to now.”

“Why don’t I like the way this is sounding?”

“Jane, in my current identity, I am only a seventeen year old boy. I’ve talked with my manager and I will be transferring to your school effective immediately. I’ve even talked your club advisor into letting me join the H club of yours.”

“Mr. Xavier let you join the H club?” I grimaced.

“Let me? Not a bit. He even tried to do a partial possession of me to force me to leave. Ghosts.” Victor chuckled. “They act like they can walk over anyone, but you’d have to be an idiot, practically braindead for a ghost to take you over.”

“Suddenly, why he possessed Alex makes so much sense.”

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing,” I redirected before sighing, “Victor, we barely know each other.”

“That’s the thing, Jane, I know everything about you. I’ve checked up on you your entire life. I even met your mom for a brief period.”

“Victor,” I pinched my nose, fearing the next question, “Please, tell me you didn’t sleep with my mother.”

The vampire froze for a second before speaking, “Yeah, I can say I didn’t sleep with your mom.”

“Victor, why did you emphasize it when you said ‘sleep’?”

“No reason.”


“Okay, we were drunk!”

“No, Victor!”

“I assure you, we didn’t get past second base. Besides, that was like six years before you were even conceived. It isn’t cheating if you don’t exist yet. I haven’t slept with anyone, your mother included, since you have been born. I swear it.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, Jane.”

Why did I even care if he promised? I wasn’t going to go out with him. This was just all kinds of messed up. It was the final straw. I was done. No more boys would enter my life, supernatural or otherwise. I would take the eight I had already acquired and cut my losses. This was it; I was done.

“Is… you’re friend going to be okay?”

I looked down at Samantha. She was still unconscious, although her eyelids were still open. Her eyes were rolled so far up that all I could see were the whites.

“She’ll be fine; it looks like she is still breathing.

“This kind of thing happen often?”

“A few years back I took her to a Bieber concert. She tried to force herself past a security guard twice her size to get to him. Ended up being beaten down by a three hundred pound former wrestler until I convinced him that she was a thirteen year old girl and it wouldn’t look good on the news.”

“Wow.” Victor shook his head in amazement. “Hey, do you want to draw stuff all over her body with a magic marker?”

I smirked, “I would love to.”


“I want in.” Samantha demanded as she stormed into the art room like a whirlwind.

“You want in what?” I asked, deciding it was my duty amongst the group of boys to answer my friend.

“I want into the Helping Club.”

“The… helping club?” I asked in confusion.

Mr. Xavier coughed, “I thought it was a more appropriate name for the H club than the one you had previously chosen.”

Most of the other boys looked confused, but Rune snickered to himself.

“Either way,” the teacher continued, “The H club is at full capacity. I’ll tell you what I told another boy, Allan, this morning… you cannot join this club right now. Maybe next year.”

“But you let Demetrius join!” Samantha pouted.

“Demetrius,” Mr. Xavier grimaced, “Was an extenuating circumstance. But given all his other pop star duties he hasn’t even had time to come to a single meeting, so it is like he isn’t even in the club to begin with.”

Samantha turned to me, offering a puppy-dog eyes that rivaled Daniels, “Jane, talk some sense into them. You owe me after you ran off with Demetrius and let those random strangers write all of that stuff all over me.”

I nodded with a straight face, “Yup, I did that, I apologize for letting those random strangers mark you up. I came back in time and was able to chase them away and protect my friend.”

“You did, and that’s why you’re such a great friend, but come on. Throw me a bone here. I mean, what does this club even do? Have you even helped anyone yet? I swear all you do is wander off into the forest at night and… and…” Samantha’s eyes lit up, “Are you guys some crazy sex cult? Do you guys have sex orgies in the woods?

“No!” Andrew shouted at the same time Alex said, “If only.”

“Although,” Samantha seemed to speak aloud to herself, “That does give me an idea.”

Samantha typed something into her phone before turning back to us. My phone buzzed and I pulled it out. There was a new tweet. ‘New fanfic will be released tonight. Stay tuned. It’s a hot one!’ I rolled my eyes, putting the phone away and becoming a little more wary of the eager look in Samantha’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Samantha,” I spoke up before anyone else thought to. “I’d help you if I could, it’s just the rules are the rules.”

Samantha sighed, turning her head down in a look of defeat, “It’s a shame too. Your group has such a massive guy to girl ratio. I figured this would help even them out.”

“Wait,” Mr. Xavier stopped her as she moved out the door, “What was that about?”

A little smirk appeared at the corner of Samantha’s mouth, “Oh, it’s just that right now, you have what, eight guys and one girl? I assume Tomodalton’s in the club even though he’s too shy to show up at a group meeting. With another girl here, the boy’s attentions might not be so focused on one girl. Do the math.”

That little snake! I fought the urge to growl at her. So this was how she was going to play the game? Well, Mr. Xavier wouldn’t fall for such a silly little trick!

“Deal!” Mr. Xavier nodded, “You’re in!”

“What?” I spoke up at the same time as seven other voices.

“I am the club advisor; I make the decisions, and I say she’s in!”

“I don’t think it’s really a big deal if another girl joins,” Daniel spoke up.

“Yeah, I bet it’ll be fun to have another girl here,” Alex winked at Samantha.

Samantha brightened up, “Yeah, I’d love to go shopping with someone gay! I’ve never had a homosexual friend before.”

“I… what?” Alex’s eyes widened, a confused expression on his face. Rune ended up spitting up his drink, laughing.

Samantha put on a worried look, “Oh, you’re not gay?”

Alex pouted, “I’m bisexual.”

Samantha froze muttering something under her breath I could barely make out, “God that is so hot.”

“Samantha, you’re drooling,” I told her.

“Huh? What? Yeah…” Samantha wiped her mouth.

“Okay!” Mr. Xavier intervened, “I believe this has been a productive meeting. Let’s adjourn for the day. I’m chocked full of so many papers to correct. Who knew being a teacher involved this much work?”

The group got up and started filing out. I picked up my fur purse and books and headed out with everyone else.

“You heading home?” Alex asked me.

“No, I think I’m going to stay here a bit. Mom’s going to take Samantha and I to the mall once she lets out of ballet practice.”

“Yeah, I have to stay later too. Andrew asked me for some help moving some stuff. I guess he was suckered into volunteering to help with some class rep stuff.”

I looked back at Andrew, who seemed to be chatting with Stephan and Rune. Stephan seemed normal enough, anyone would get along with him. However, Rune sticking around to chat, even if he looked angry about it, was surprising to me. Maybe the two didn’t hate each other as much as they pretended to.

“Andrew asked a demon for help?”

Alex gave his atypical throaty laugh, “He said he trusted me, after everything we’ve been through. I can’t let him down now, can I?”

“No, definitely not.” I smiled back, giving Alex a tight hug before we parted.

Of course, I wasn’t planning on just wondering around the school until Samantha let out per say. I was there on a mission. In the past, I would head down to the park in order to find some space and seclusion. However, that hadn’t been working for me. It seemed like every time I went to the park, I ended up with another boy in my life. If I could find a safe, secluded space in school, on the other hand, I wouldn’t have to suffer any more strange encounters.

I was halfway down the hall when a pair of hands reached out and grabbed, yanking me into a classroom. The door shut behind me and I turned to find myself facing the boy called Allan. He had very pale brown hair, a set of glasses over a petite nose and big doe eyes. The girls always talked about him as an intellectual. Unlike Andrew though, few worked up the nerve to talk to him. He could often be found reading in the school library. He had tried to ask me out once, and now I knew he had asked to join the H club too.

“Hello, Jane, I am sorry to pull you in here so rudely, I decided it was pertinent that I spoke to you immediately.”

“Um… hello, Allan, I’m kind of busy right now.”

“I suppose there is no use in trying to sugar coat this. I have a secret that I must inform you of.”

“Please don’t.”

“You see, I do not come from this world.”

“Lalalalala, I can’t hear you.” I stuck my fingers in my ears for good measure, “Share your secrets with some other girl.”

“I assure you, I have analyzed every being within this school, and I am 99.72% sure that you are the appropriate person to hear-”

“That you’re gay? That’s fine! Samantha’s always wanted a gay friend.”

“I assure you, I am not of a homosexual persuasion, as a matter of fact, people from my planet reproduce-”

Did he say people from his planet? No! Don’t listen. It’s a trap. It’s a god-damn General Ackbar trap! Run Jane! Run before it’s too late.

“You see? I am what you would call an alien.”

I backed away, opening the door behind me, “An illegal immigrant? Well I’m okay with the Mexicans, got to go, bye!”

Allan pushed back his glasses on his nose, “Absolutely ridiculous.”

I turned and ran. No, no more guys. No more secrets. I’m not going to let this happen. Not now, not ever.

“Jane, stop!” The voice came from behind me.

“No, stop sharing your secrets with me!” I snapped and ran.

Who the hell did they think I was? Supernatural Oprah? Stop confessing to me! I glanced back to see if he was chasing me. As I turned back, I rammed full force into someone and found myself rolling down a stairway. Bodies and limbs wrapped around me as the pair of us rolled down a flight of stairs.

“Jane, are you okay?” Stephan spoke from under me.

“Yeah, I’m actually fine, not a bruise on me. Sorry, can’t talk, I’m in a hurry.”

I reached down, feeling for my purse. My fingers wrapped around a furry strap so grabbed it and yanked. It seemed to be under Stephan, so I gave it an extra yank to free it from under him.

“Sorry,” I shouted back as I ran, “I’m in a hurry to get somewhere.”

I turned a corner and continued running. I planned to be hiding in a locked room and out of Allan’s sight for the rest of the day. If I avoided him until mom came, maybe there was some kind of cooling off period and he’d decide not to tell me anything.

“Jane, you seem distressed.” Stephan’s voice came from beside me.

“I’m fine, Stephan, stop following me.” I turned to my side and realized he wasn’t there.

Checking my other side, I still didn’t see him. Stephan had been right next to me, hadn’t he?

“Well, you see, I don’t really have a choice in the matter.” He explained, sounding a little shaken.

The voice was coming lower down my side. I looked down to see my hand gripping a large chunk of hair. At the base was Stephan’s severed head, bouncing back and forth with each step.

“Oh my god!” I shouted, bringing his head up into both of my hands, “Why do I have your head?”

“It would appear,” Stephan suggested, “that the fall loosened my head up a bit and you yanked it off thinking you had your purse. If you would be so kind, would you return my head to my body?”

I considered heading back to the bottom of the stairs, but that was too close to where Allan was. If I headed there, he would be there. I would end up finding out his secret. I couldn’t let that happen to me. A plan worked itself out in front of me as I turned another corner. A glimpse out a nearby window revealed Andrew, Rune, and Alex all walking through the courtyard. Rune appeared to be the only one not carrying a box.

I ran up to an open window. “Hey, Rune, think fast!”

I chucked Stephan’s head down from the window. Rune did not think as fast as I had hoped. For a supernatural Demon, he did not have good reflexes. He lifted his arms a second too late, and Stephan’s severed head ended up smashing head first into Runes. Both boy’s collapsed to the ground.

“You guys got this!” I shouted to Andrew and Alex, who had dumbfounded looks on their faces.

I turned and ran. They’d be fine. Now it was just a matter of locking myself into a room and hiding until mom came to pick me up. Good plan, Jane, good plan. I ran up to the Janitor’s closet and swung open the door, shutting it closed behind me. I leaned back on it, taking deep breaths. It was over. I was safe. No attractive supernatural boys in-

I opened up my eyes. A boy was sitting in the middle of the janitor’s closet staring at me. His shirt was pulled up to his neck, and he had a series of cables and cords running out of his chest. Circuits flashed and blinked across the board that connected his chest. He was a very attractive boy. I recognized him; he was a freshman named Ryan, one of Samantha’s hawtness.

Ryan had brown hair that he always wore over his eyes. He wore sweatshirts and always had an mp3 player plugged in his ears when a teacher wasn’t yelling at him to take it out. The boy was supposed to be smart, although not as much of a bookworm as Allan. He also was cold as ice, turning down every girl who tried to ask him out. They said he never got scared or angry either. I was now suspecting I knew why.

My hopes, my dreams, and my life came crashing down around me. I slumped down to my knees. I tried… I tried so hard.

Ryan spoke up, “I suppose it would be appropriate if I gave you an explanation.”

“You really don’t have to.”

“You see, I am a ro-”

“Um… roleplaying. Your roleplaying and this is all some top notch costume design.”

“I apologize, is this an attempt at what you human’s call humor?”

“No, not really. Just the dying hope of a girl who gave it her all.”

“You are Jane Averygail, are you not?”

“Yeah,” I whimpered, “I’m Jane ‘freaking luck sucks’ Averygail.”

“May I shorten Jane ‘freaking luck sucks’ Averygail to Jane?”

“Be my freaking guest.”

“It appears you caught me performing my routine repairs. I had picked this spot because I had assumed it would be secluded and that no one would find me.”

“That’s why I picked this spot too.”

“So I am hearing that you want anonymity, is this correct?”

“You could say that.”

“Very well, I recommend that we part ways and feign that our meeting proved innocuous.”


“Let’s pretend this never happened.”

“Really?” I began to perk up.

“I think it wise if we do not speak to each other anymore, either. If we can part ways now, it will make the situation more acceptable.”

“Yeah, that sound great.”

“Then it is agreed,” Ryan nodded, “You may leave when you are comfortable.”

I nodded with a dumfounded expression on my face, leaving the room as soon as I recovered and turning down the hall. I was halfway back to the art room before I remembered why I had run away in the first place. Rune and Andrew were walking towards me with concerned looks on their faces.

“What is going on?” Rune asked, he seemed to have a bruise on his forehead now.

“Alex is reattaching Stephan’s head right now, but what the heck is going on with you? Stephan said you were panicked?” Andrew added.

“It’s just… Allan, and then…”

Both faces went dark at the same time, “What did this Allan person try to do?”

“I tried to show her something,” an arrogant voice came from around the corner.

Allan took a step out, and all of my hopes went with him. Andrew and Rune took a look at each other, then as a single unit advanced on Allan. I ran forward, trying to block them from attacking him. Allan didn’t do anything wrong. Why did these guys have to take it the wrong way?

Rune reached over and grabbed Allan’s shirt, but I wouldn’t let him get any closer. With some difficulty, I managed to keep Andrew at bay as well.

“What did you try to show her, your penis?” Rune demanded.

Allan scuffed, pushing his glasses back into place, “Ridiculous. I don’t have time for this. It’s better if I showed you.”

Allan pulled out a small device, tapping a few keys. I turned my head. No, this wasn’t happening. Today I was just going to go home, hang out with Samantha a little bit, no adventures of any kind. A white light appeared in a circle at our feet. The hallway around the four of us darkened to an impenetrable black.

“What in the world?” Andrew asked.

Andrew’s features started stretching up towards the sky. Runes did the same. Then my body started to stretch as I let out a scream. Oh great, here we go again. God damn it.

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